Forever and Always.

Chapter Three

            It really all began with my first crush. Brandon Vue, I will never forget that name. I was still young then and I am still young now.

We met at my cousins Halloween party. All of us, including friends and cousins were hanging out in the basement, very excited for being together again. I guess we caught each other’s eyes because we immediately started talking. He was my very first true crush.

Brandon Vue, he was a tall, lanky guy who made the atmosphere likable. He was funny and kind and just liked to show his true personality. He was troubled with one of his ex’s and that’s when I came in.

Cheering him up and on, we became closer. I would have to say that he officially asked me to be his girlfriend right around Thanksgiving. We talked almost every day on Myspace and he made me feel special.

I had so many insecurities then but he made me feel beautiful. Little did I know was that sometimes, we aren’t all the ones who go through heart break.

Hmong New Years, I always had such amazing memories there with all of my cousins and dancing with the girls.

Brandon Vue and I were just casually walking around and something was tense in the air. His ex was still clinging onto him and who was I to interfere with that relationship?

I wish he had told me that deeply, he was still in love with her.

 Why do people have to go through such pains in order to find love? Let love come find you and though you may think it won’t ever come, it surely will.

I was a girl who thought she had someone who loved her. Dressing up all fancy, wearing my dress, I realized that he was gone. I wasn’t suspicious at first. I thought he had simply just gone to the bathroom. But…

After he hadn’t shown up in a while, that’s when I was really getting worried. I searched all over, from asking the boys to savaging the whole building for him. Needing some fresh air, little did I know that the scene before me was unsightly.

Oh the pain. So so much pain that night. That night many tears were shed.

My beautiful cousin was the one who cheered me up. Mong Elizabeth Xiong, the girl that has been through thick and thin with me. Cooperating with me when I felt like giving up and encouraging me to continue staying strong.

            I admit, I am not the strongest girl in the world. My only purpose was to make people smile and to make life a little better.

I want to be able to keep my feelings to myself, but writing this story here is the only way I am able to communicate my feelings.

Long story short, Brandon was kissing another girl behind the building. Yes, it hurt a lot. And yes, I did cry for hours.

But what I learned from all of this, do not keep the heart vulnerable but keep it strong.

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My last relationship was recent. Chayeej Vang, oh my, there were many things that went right and many things that went wrong.

December 1st, 2011 is when I really noticed him.

“Hey there beautiful.” I got a text on my phone and it was an unknown number.

“Um, not to be rude, but who is this?” I questioned.

“Your secret admirer...” I was hooked from then on. That night I realized the text messages were from my brothers’ friend. I asked my brother about why he was texted me and he honestly had no idea.

I made the mistake of falling for Chayeej. Every day that we talked, I fell a little bit more and more.

I remember it clearly; it was a beautiful December night. December 24th, 2011 to be exact. Christmas Eve, I was with my family playing board games and watching animated Disney movies. This was my favorite part of Christmas, being with my family was always something I treasured.

When it hit exactly 12:00, I received a phone call. I went into the other room and picked up.

“Hello?”

“Merry Christmas beautiful.” And then he hung up... I was speechless. Why did he make me feel this way? Of being happy and I liked him.

I liked him so much.

After that we continued to talk and hang out. He invited me to a New Year’s party at his church and it was an absolute beautiful experience. I was enchanted with his life style.

As January continued on, we continued to laugh at each other’s silly mistakes and promised that this was a new year together. We cried, we smiled, and we went through a lot of things together.

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Something went wrong in February. He stopped talking to me less and less and became distant. I knew that he was afraid. He was afraid we would end and I wanted to prove that I would be here no matter what.

You could say that I was deeply in like with him. We were together and went through so many things together. Why was he being distant?

…I guess what I ignored was that he talked to a lot of girls. He said I was the only one in his eyes and I believed him. He showed and told me that I was beautiful and I believed it.

February 10th, 2012. I remember it like it was just yesterday. All the pain and tears. The hiding in my room for days and not eating. I was sick and I was depressed…

It was the night of the Valentines Banquet at Chayeej’s church. I dressed in a red shinning dress under my long black coat. It was a crisp snowy night, the snow was still falling and it was beautiful.

Chayeej was one of the hosts but he sat next to me when he wasn’t making jokes or talking up there. He had asked me to be his date to the Banquet and I was more than glad to accept. I wasn’t prepared to what he had to say next…

He took me to the chapel and we talked about the night. Suddenly he said those five words.

“I don’t like you anymore.” Heart break…

I was speechless. But you know what I did, I begged. I begged for him, and questioned why. I kept on asking him why as the tears rolled down my cheeks.

He turned and walked away.

The pain came rolling in and I locked up. Why were all these walls building up? I didn’t like the suffocation this provided. Who could I tell? Who would listen…?

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Hola my stunning readers! I hope you enjoyed this chapter, I am so sorry it seems like I am rushing! I don’t mean to but it’s a little bit hard to write about this entire thing still. It still feels new because sometimes my past barges into my present. But I am working on putting some more of my feelings into my story! I promise I will get better (:

Oh and sorry for another depressing chapter! But it gets better, I promise (: Also sorry that I am making so many promises but I keep my promises, you have my word (:

love, catalinasmiles