shame. - billy hargrove

nein.

This weekend is the Hawkins Middle Snow Ball but it is only Monday and I have a whole week ahead of me. I woke up early this morning, getting dressed slowly and sitting in my car at school two hours before I had to be there. I have no idea how much time had passed since then, the passenger seat door opening released me back into the real world. I look over slowly and see Billy sitting there smiling at me. "Miss me?" I flutter my eyelashes at him and fan myself dramatically. "Oh, of course! I mean, how could I ever survive without you?!" I bring the back of my hand to my forehead and close my eyes, pretending to faint. Our laughter fills the car and as the laughter quietens, Billy leans against the door facing me, "Shit, it's nice to see you." He tilts his head back, closing his eyes, at this moment he looks soft and pure. His plump lips look rosy and the dark patches under his eyes look brighter. My eyes travel down to his cheek and I see the light red and purple mark staining his cheek, I lean over towards him and the pads of my fingertips brush lightly over it. His eyelids rise to reveal the ocean, I sit back and remove my trespassing fingertips. I look down at my lap and mumble an apology. A smile creeps onto his face as he lifts his head and speaks quietly, "What did I tell you last Friday? Don't apologise when you don't need to," He wags a finger in the air and chuckles slightly before going quiet again. "Come to a party tomorrow night."

I shake my head and look up at him, "I'll surprise you, I might come or I might not. Leave me a note with the address on it." We make eye contact and his pupils widen as the edges of his lips curl and I mirror him. We get stuck at this moment like when the television loses the signal for a second and the actors are frozen in that place, that time as if they have the whole world to think of but are only focused on the one person in front of them. Everything else would disappear into a blur and then they would continue moving as if nothing had happened. I shake my head, breaking the moment and bending over to the back seat to get my bag. I get out of the car and shut the door behind me. I need to move on as if nothing ever happened. I can't be with Billy, it would never work the way I wanted it to. I don't like Billy. I walk into the school without looking back and continue with my day.

The day went swiftly with no more mention or sight of Billy until I arrived at my car after school. I note is placed under my windshield wiper, as I lift it and grab the note, I hear a voice behind me, "Where were you this morning? I woke up and you were already gone! I had to bike to school and trust me, after getting rides in the morning, it's not as fun as it used to be!" I turn around to see Dustin standing there, I pick up the note and wave at him, "Uhm, yeah... sorry? I woke up early. I have those stretchy cords things in my boot," I point to the boot while keeping my focus on the note and open it, "You can put your bike on the roof. I'll drive you home." He huffs sarcastically and moves towards the boot. "Keys?" I look up, chucking them up, across the car so that he can unlock the boot. The note conceals the address and two little x's that make my cheeks warm and my heart flutter. I stuff it in my pocket and help Dustin lift his bike onto the roof of my car. We secure it down using the bungee cords and get into the car, driving home. I fall on my bed and slip into a deep sleep, feeling the exhausted of this mornings adventure creep up on me.