shame. - billy hargrove

ten.

[quick a/n: I've decided to change the pov I am writing - I'm sorry if it confuses or annoys you if anyway - I will go through the other chapters and change it as well, I might just take a wee bit longer to upload the next chapter! Thank you so much for the support so far, enjoy reading! <3]

tw: comments on bodies and ed's

Kinsley looks down at the address written on the slip of torn paper. She turns it over in her fingers and lets her mind swim into the thoughts of what could happen if she went. Looking at herself in the mirror, she huffs letting her head fall backwards and closing her eyes. Moving slowly over to her set of drawers, she pulls out a pair of black jean shorts and a matching crop top and lathers her lips with a wine tint. She secures a belt around her waist and grabs her keys, making her way to the small scribbles on a tattered note. She arrives at yet another house with loud music and teenagers spilling out all the entrances. Kinsley pushes her way through multiple people making out, getting drunk, high or swinging their bodies to the tasteless music which was bouncing off of the walls. Her head spins as she looks around the room for anyone she might recognise. No one, she wonders, I don't know anyone? No one at all?

Billy stands on the other side of the room trying his best to patiently hear out the top-heavy blonde standing in front of him. He can't help his thoughts running away to the short, raven-haired beauty who has captured his mind and, as much as he may deny and fear the thought of it, a part of his heart. Maybe it was only a very small part of his heart that belonged to her but he knew the more time he invested in her, the bigger that part would grow. It scared Billy, the fact that someone had such a hold over him, that they might one day have as much of his heart as his mother did. But that also meant that they could leave him as she did and he knew that feeling hurt like that once again would tear him apart. A hand placed gently on his face brings him back from his thoughts, he looks down seeing the same blonde. He scoffs and removes her hand from his face.

Kinsley scans the room once more, Billy catches her eye with a curvaceous blonde caressing his face. She had bigger boobs than Kinsley and a bigger bum than her as well as a smaller waist. She had Kinsley's idea of the perfect body. Kinsley did not like the way looking at the blonde made her feel, it brought back old memories of insecurities, home workouts and unruly diets that were incredibly unhealthy for a thirteen-year-old to be forcing herself onto. She was petite in all ways, she was reasonably straight up and down like a ruler, she was short and she used to be very insecure about it. Although she didn't care what the majority of other people thought of her, she used to care about what her dad thought of her. To him, she was right to be insecure about her body. He would call her names such as flatty, sticky, flat yet fat, fatty cake and the one which hit hardest little miss anorexia. He would mock her with questions, how come such a pretty face ended up on such a lanky body? Why don't you lose some weight? or in contrast, why don't you gain some weight? Kinsley grew up confused about whether she was too fat or thin but either way she was insecure. Eventually, she turned fifteen and promise herself that she would be the only one to decide whether or not she was beautiful. Her father's comments still hurt but she grew to ignore them. Suddenly her promise had started to deteriorate as she met Billy, she started to care what he thought of her. Seeing him so close to a girl, who was the complete opposite of herself, stung deep. She strolls over to him, calming herself down by breathing slowly. He removes the blonde's hand from his face and his eyes shoot up over towards Kinsley. His heartbeat picks up and he pushes the other girl further away from him. A small, polite, introverted smile appears on her face as she places herself next to Billy leaning on the table behind them. He smiles at her, feeling his heart pumping out of his chest urging him to move closer to her. He resists, staying where he is. Kinsley makes eye contact with him, "She looked nice. Who was she?"