Considering it had only been nine in the morning, shots had been out of the question. So after a long and tiring workout, you had spent the rest of the day filming with Grayson. It'd taken your mind off of the pain and anger you'd been feeling, given the fact that you weren't really allowed to show that on camera for millions to see. This was your job and you took pride in doing it well.
It had ended up being a good video, in your opinion. One you were pretty proud of considering all the planning and money it had taken to put Grayson's face on a fucking billboard on Sunset. Even if Gray didn't want to admit it, you were definitely the better prankster.
Overall, it had been easy to forget about what you had been going through the last couple days and feel normal again. Your mind had only strayed to Emma once or twice out of habit, but you were able to quickly push the thoughts away when the camera was focused on you.
That was until you finally got a moment of downtime that night and clicked on Instagram. And there she was again.
Her face. Her beautiful fucking face coupled with the fact that she was wearing a skimpy bikini in the five different photos she had posted... it seemed to be mocking you. This is what you had. You let it slip away. Idiot.
Again, your finger had itched to double tap and like it almost immediately, but your brain was telling you not to. You didn't want to give her or anyone else the satisfaction of seeing that you'd liked a photo where she looked hot, happy, and radiant as hell. Not when you were feeling a little bit like a pathetic excuse of a human currently.
Why is she so fucking happy? Isn't she hurting even a little bit?
You'd physically ached to ask her. To talk to her and just know what was going on in her mind right now. You knew she could be stubborn and she could push her emotions to the side like nobody else could, but you hadn't expected this. Not picture after picture and endless snapchat stories of her smiling and skateboarding and going to a party and just being perfectly fine.
You'd thought she might be hurting just a little. That you'd meant just as much to her as she did to you. That given the situation you two had found yourself in, she might be showing a little more grief. Or even just barely posting at all. That's what you had taken to doing the last two days. But apparently she was coping with this all a little differently.
You'd tapped back into your messages and reread the one you'd sent her earlier in a fit of anger. It remained unanswered. You were positive she had seen it.
hope u had fun last night. definitely looked like u did.
You'd reread the two sentences about a hundred times, letting out a low groan as you realized just how stupid you'd been to send it in the first place. She was obviously doing fine. She really was having fun. And now you just looked petty and jealous. Dammit.
You'd barely given yourself time to think before swiping back to Instagram. You'd swiftly clicked onto the options by her username and pressed "mute." And you didn't let yourself stop to think about what you just did. It was done. This way you wouldn't be subjected to seeing her apparently living her best life, but you also wouldn't cause all the uproar that would come with unfollowing her.
And if you were being honest with yourself, you don't think you were prepared to unfollow her anyway. That was bigger. More.. permanent, in a way.
You'd tossed your phone back onto your bed before standing up with a sigh and making your way out to the kitchen.
Grayson had been in there at the table, eating a slice of toast and scrolling through his phone. He had looked up curiously when he saw you come in.
"I thought you'd be in your room for the rest of the night... what's up?" he'd asked, swallowing down a mouthful as he'd looked at you expectantly.
"I muted Emma. On Instagram. Which I know sounds really fucking stupid and petty and girly, but.. I don't want to see her posts and shit right now. But I also know that if either me or you unfollow her... people will freak. And I don't wanna deal with that shit storm right now either," you'd said, the words tumbling out of your mouth as you'd begun to pace around the kitchen a bit.
"I think you should probably do the same. Or at least just ignore her. I don't want you liking her posts either," you'd added after a few more seconds of pacing, finally coming to a stop and looking over at Grayson.
"You want me to mute Emma? That's childish and you know it. Bro, this isn't my fight.. I mean, I'm pissed off that she did this and it's obviously fucking tearing you up, but I think that you guys will work it—" he'd begun, though you'd instantly cut him off, not wanting him to finish the sentence.
"Mute her, Grayson. For me. Your fucking twin brother. Or at least don't like them or anything. We're supposed to be a team, remember? Just.. Jesus. Take my side on this one, yeah?" you'd lashed out, not able to stop yourself from sounding quite so defensive. You'd known Grayson was always on your side and that this was no different. He would do whatever you'd wanted him to do if you asked, but for some reason hearing him take Emma's side for even a second had set you off.
"Okay, fine. Whatever. I'll do it," he mumbled after a minute of silence, letting out a sigh and shaking his head at you before picking up his phone to begin scrolling again.
You had nodded a bit, a breath of relief that you didn't even realize you'd been holding in, leaving you. You'd waited another second before leaving the kitchen and returning back to your room again. You'd unlocked your phone and swiped off the Instagram app, not wanting to look at another form of social media for the rest of the night.
Even though you could no longer see Emma's posts and you'd refused to let yourself look at her Snapchat stories or tweets, you knew she was posting them. She was acting as if everything was good. Perfectly fine and happy and not heartbroken at all. So the small moment of victory you'd felt when you'd muted her all came crashing down when you'd abruptly realized it didn't matter.
She wouldn't care that your name wasn't showing up in her likes anymore. She wouldn't care that people were beginning to speculate about why and whispers were going around that maybe they were fighting, maybe they broke up, maybe Grayson's mad at her too... It all didn't even matter anymore because you'd realized that the thing you wanted to fight for, fight with, talk to, know how they were feeling and why... didn't even care.
She was happy. You were not. You were stuck in this feeling of emptiness and loneliness with no escape. And sure, you'd known worse pain before. But that was in a different way. Losing someone you loved compared to losing someone you were in love with were two vastly different things. One was gut wrenching. One was soul crushing. The situations weren't comparable, but they were two of the worst heartbreaks you had ever known in your nineteen years of life.
And anyway you looked at this situation, you'd quickly realized that she'd won the battle. And you'd lost.
And perhaps, literally, there was nothing else to do but pack your bags, admit defeat, and head home for a couple days. You could use some time away from L.A. and a hug from your mom. A comforting word of some sort. Maybe someone to slap some sense into you. Anything to escape Grayson's only advice of "I dunno, bro, I'm sure it'll get better soon.. It's Emma.. she loves you. Just give it time."
So without a second thought you'd booked a plane ticket to Jersey. You were set to fly out in a couple days, needing to stay in L.A. for some meetings and video things and adult stuff before you could actually go. And until then you were trying your damn hardest to avoid Emma on every social media possible, not wanting to let your mind slip to her for even one second. Not wanting your heart to crack even more. Because you were positive that, at this rate, it was set to shatter in half completely pretty soon.
a/n: thank u from the bottom of my heart to everyone reading this story, liking it, leaving comments, etc i cannot tell u how much i appreciate u all!!!! i'm so happy i decided to write this on a whim and that people are actually enjoying it <3
