Emma had let you in without a word, and you were so absorbed in thoughts of your own that you barely realized you hadn't said anything either. You'd quickly turned to her after she shut the door behind you and gave her a small smile.
"Hi," you'd finally said, shifting a little on your feet as you looked down at her. It felt awkward to be standing in her apartment after what had happened last time you were here, but you were trying to ignore that.
You didn't want to think about last time. You didn't want to think about the harsh words you'd said to her or the way your heart had practically fallen out of your chest that day— you just wanted to be here in the moment and have an open and honest conversation with her.
This wasn't about the past. It was about the future. Your future with her... if there was even going to be one.
"Hi," she'd said softly after a moment, giving you a tentative smile and crossing her arms over her chest. You could tell she felt a little uncomfortable as well. It wasn't like you two to be so quiet and stilted around each other, but you guess things changed. A lot had changed in the last few weeks.
"Did you hit any traffic on your way here?" she'd asked after a half a beat of silence.
"Uh, no.. no traffic. Surprisingly," you'd replied, letting out a weak laugh and running a hand through your hair.
"That's good," you'd heard her mumble after another second.
The silence between you was starting to become deafening and you weren't sure how much longer you could take it. You weren't sure what to say or what to do or what you had expected from this, but so far you'd only spoken a handful of words to each other and still hadn't moved from her kitchen.
"I was thinking—"
"So, did you—"
You'd each begun to speak at exactly the same time, cutting each other off unintentionally before you both grew quiet again. Your eyes had locked and your gazes had lingered for a few seconds before Emma finally cracked a smile.
"Shit. We're not off to the best start really," she'd said with a small giggle, the sound instantly filling your chest with a sort of warmth you'd forgotten existed. You loved that sound. You wanted to hear it every day for the rest of your life if she'd let you.
You had let out a soft laugh of your own, grinning at her and shifting your weight to the other foot. "Guess not. But we'll get there," you'd responded, hoping your words and your smile could put her at ease a little.
In the months that you'd known Emma you'd only seen her nervous a handful of times. She was usually the one who was so sure of herself and her actions. She could be loud and spunky and funny and she was genuine and kind and empathetic to everyone around her. People loved her for her open and honest personality. Shy and awkward weren't part of the list of words you would use to describe her. Not at all.
So standing here seeing her falter a bit in her words and watching her eyes flick back and forth across the room so she wouldn't have to meet your own gaze, wasn't something you were used to. You didn't like that it was you who were making her feel this way.
"Should we sit down?" you'd asked, giving her a tentative grin.
"Oh, right, yeah. Of course," she'd responded, nodding a little and beginning to move towards the living room.
She'd sat down on one side of the couch, leaving the other end open for you. You'd just been about to speak to try to fill the silence again when she opened her mouth.
"Thanks for agreeing to come. I.. I'm sorry I texted you the other night like that. It was probably pretty out of line for me to considering... you know. Everything. I was a little drunk though, in my defense." The words had tumbled out of her mouth quickly, highlighting her nerves.
