You'd been lying in bed in your childhood room in Jersey when Emma had texted you. Her name had appeared on your screen and, at first, you didn't even believe it was real.
But it was and it had been only one word of "hi" and you weren't really sure what the fuck was going on, but you had felt compelled to answer. If you were being honest, your thoughts had been on her all day.
You had come home to Jersey to relax and recover in a way, but the open air and endless free time had made it hard to keep your mind occupied. It seemed to shift back to EmmaEmmaEmma at every possible second.
So you'd responded. And the conversation had went on. You'd remembered that today was the day of her friend Olivia's birthday party and that she had probably been drinking. You were right. That didn't stop the way your heart had flipped when she'd texted "i miss you" even though you knew there was a 50% chance that it was just the alcohol talking.
You couldn't help it. You missed her too. How could you not? Just a couple of weeks ago you had spent practically every moment together smiling, laughing, touching, kissing before it was ripped away so suddenly.
You knew that you were supposed to tear a bandaid off quickly. But when Emma had pulled the plug on your relationship, you had been blindsided. You hadn't been able to brace yourself for the pain you were going to feel. It was still stinging.
Even just exchanging a few messages with her made you feel exponentially better. You'd slept well that night for the first time in weeks. And even though you'd known she'd probably regret the whole conversation in the morning, you couldn't help the way your chest felt a little lighter. Maybe she wouldn't regret it. Drunk words were sober thoughts. Right?
— —
When you'd touched down in L.A. a little over a day later you weren't really sure what to do. You hadn't heard from Emma since the other night. Your confession that you'd missed her too had gone unanswered.
But you'd told her that when you were back in town you could talk. You didn't know if she'd still want to, but you were going to put aside your pride and be the one to text her now to ask.
The sun had almost set by the time you'd worked up the courage to pull up your messages to her again. You had spent a good majority of the day hanging out with Grayson and catching up despite that fact you'd only been separated for 48 hours. It had felt like longer— it was a twin thing.
Figuring that now was as a good a time as ever, you'd sent her a simple text.
still want to talk?
After pressing send, you'd mentally prepared yourself for the realization that she might not answer. It would hurt, of course, but you'd get over it. You'd been surviving thus far, so you'd be able to handle another rejection.
emma: yes
but only if you want to
i don't want u to feel like u have to talk to me
When your phone had buzzed and you'd seen her name on your screen, you'd let out a shaky breath of relief. If you were being honest with yourself, you weren't sure you actually would've been able to handle the rejection. You'd just been trying to be optimistic.
ethan: i want to.
are you busy rn?
emma: no
come over?
ethan: be there in 30.
— —
You hadn't bothered to tell Grayson where you were going, instead sneaking out of the house as quietly as possible so he wouldn't stop you to ask questions. You'd known he would probably text you and ask where you'd run off to, but you'd tell him later. Right now you just wanted to get to Emma's.
You weren't really sure what was happening or why she'd wanted to talk. She was the one who said she wanted space. But she was also the one who told you she'd missed you just a day ago.
So you had done the drive to Emma's house easily out of memory. And it was like the heavens were on your side or some shit, because there was barely any traffic and you made it to her apartment in under half an hour. That was a rarity in L.A. and perhaps it was a good omen in itself. You'd hoped that was the case anyway.
You knew you couldn't deal with leaving her house again with an even deeper broken heart. You hadn't been sure of where the conversation was going to go or what was going to be said, but hopefully it could end better than last time. Whether or not you'd be able to be in a relationship with each other, you'd hoped you could just have some sort of one together. Friendship, civil acquaintances, anything.. Not that you were sure if she would want that considering the dumb shit you'd said to her weeks before.
You weren't really sure about anything. But you had to stop fucking guessing and making up scenarios in your head before your brain exploded. So you'd climbed out of your Jeep and walked up to her apartment quickly, not giving yourself any more time to stall.
When you'd finally been standing outside of her door, your heart began beating rapidly in your chest. Jesus. You'd forced yourself to take a few deep breaths and ran your fingers messily through your hair before finally knocking.
And almost immediately you heard footsteps coming closer. Before you could even process, the door had swung open and she had been standing there in front of you.
She was wearing an oversized hoodie and leggings. Her hair was piled into a messy bun onto the top of her head and her large, round glasses were taking up a good majority of her face. You could tell she had just been in the middle of editing or watching something on TV. She only wore her glasses when she needed to focus on things like that. You'd always told her that she'd looked so cute in them, and right now was no different. She looked beautiful. Even when she wasn't trying, she looked absolutely fucking perfect.
And when she gave you a tiny smile and opened the door a little wider to let you in, you'd realized that you were screwed.
After seeing her face for the first time in more than two weeks, you'd realized just how head over heels you were for this girl. You'd missed her even more than you'd thought. You didn't want to be without her.
And if she really decided that now, even after this talk, she really and truly didn't want anything to do with you.. you were fucked. Because you most certainly wouldn't feel the same. You'd quickly realized that you wanted everything to do with her.
Fuck.
a/n: hellooooo just popping in to announce there are only a few chapters left in this story!! i've said it before but i'll say it again that i am so grateful for each and every read, like, and comment it has gotten so far <3 it feels so so so good to know that even one person likes something you've written. after this one ends i already have some ideas for the next one!! so stay tuned :)
