僕の名は。(my name.)

19

School had never been something that Yoongi enjoyed. Honestly, he'd go as far to say that he hated it. The only thing that ever made the day easier to get through was seeing his friends. But after the shooting... He had no friends left to see. The school shut down for a week after the shooting, giving people time to adjust and grieve, but after that week, and an assembly addressing the situation and listing all the lives lost, everything went back to normal. Lessons continued and, despite a few, the teachers didn't seem to be affected by what had happened and continued teaching the lessons that would be forgotten in years later down the line. School felt empty without his three best friends. It was already hard enough for him since he was in several classes the others weren't, but now he couldn't even find comfort and escape in them during breaks. He was alone.

It didn't take long for Yoongi to start trying to find other ways to escape. It started off with little things such as watching videos in class, and skipping classes to go for a walk while listening to music. At one point he even got into producing and writing his own music, putting all his thoughts down on paper and creating a beat to accompany the way his heart felt. This outlet helped for a while. It allowed him to clear his mind while being creative without burdening anyone. Until his laptop broke. The tool which he had been using to heal himself through music had broken and he couldn't afford a new one, not by a long shot. He continued writing the music down though, and instead began composing on the piano. That's when he heard the voice.
"It's beautiful." Yoongi's fingers froze, hovering above the keys. He looked around but there was no one there. His jaw clenched before he continued playing, shaking the voice out of his head. "I wish you would have gotten into music sooner." He froze again. "Maybe we could have made a song together." Yoongi didn't know where the voice was coming from, but he knew it wasn't real. It couldn't be. He shut the fall-board of the piano and got up, rushing out the music room, bumping shoulders with Mrs. Ong on the way out. The teacher watched as the boy hurried away, eyes soft and curious as to the sudden exit. He was fine a second ago. What happened?

Yoongi sped walked out of the building, clutching his bag against his body tight as he began to shake slightly and tears sat in his eyes, slowly trying to crawl their way out. "I miss you, hyung." Yoongi stopped in his tracks. The tears he'd been bottling up over the past month finally broke free and the boy collapsed down onto his knees, letting his emotions take over him. "Don't cry, hyung."
"Shut up. Just shut up. Please," Yoongi whispered into the air.
"I don't like seeing you upset."
"Stop talking. You're not real, I know you're not." Yoongi's hands clutched at his head. "Please go away."
"I don't want to leave you, hyung."
"FUCK!" Yoongi cried more before standing up and putting his earphones in, blasting music at full volume. He really wasn't in the mood for upbeat rap, but all he wanted was to drown out the voice torturing his mind. He walked forward, unsure of where he was going, knowing that he couldn't go home without being asked questions. He didn't want to worry his parents again. When his Mother had heard about how Yoongi got when she was hospitalised, it broke her heart. Yoongi couldn't do that to her again. He just couldn't. The music was so loud it felt like it was piercing into Yoongi's brain.
"Please turn it down, hyung." Yoongi paused mid-step, eyes darting around. "I don't want you damaging your ears." Yoongi ripped out the earphones. Of course it didn't fucking work. Why would it? He looked to his left. He had stopped right by a row of convenience stores. Without thinking about his actions, he went inside one of them. He just wanted to distract himself. Looking through the candy and snacks, he picked up a few pieces here and there, being cautious of the overall cost. As he reached the back of the store he saw rows and rows of alcohol. He looked at the food in his hands and back at the bottles and cans staring back at him. He grabbed a bottle of cheap cider, then looked a row higher where a selection of vodkas and whiskeys stood proud. He put the cider back and then the snacks he'd spent time selecting before returning to the drinks. He grabbed a bottle of cheap beer, a bottle of soju, and with hesitation grabbed one of the cheaper bottles of vodka. "What are you doing, hyung?" Yoongi closed his eyes before opening them again and making his way to the till. He knew this place hardly ever carded people. That's why so many students went here. But that didn't stop him from holding his breath as he put the abundance of alcohol on the till point and waited for them all to get scanned through.
"Do you need a bag?"
"Um. Yes, yes please," Yoongi responded. The cashier placed the various bottles in the bag and handed it to Yoongi who handed back cash as an exchange. Once receiving his change, he sped out of the store and back into the harsh air of the outside. He breathed heavily and marched his way to a large field he knew was nearby.