Don't tell my best friend.

10- Broken things

We still had a day to get back. I thought we were leaving as soon as Lea found out but somehow things were OK or so I thought. Lea had  managed to keep the door closed. Max helped me to get dressed and dried, taking me out of the pool. While I was still trying to recover my senses. It was all my fault, I had broken my most precious friendship for a guy. The worst thing was, the guy was also my best friend's guy. Raphael and I haven't talked. We were both in shock, trying to make sense of everything.

I was by the pool, watching the sunrise when Raphael sat next to me. He was dressed and dried. He was trying to come up with the best words. I didn't know what to say either. Was I supposed to apologize for what we had done, for being caught or for being so careless.

"I'm sorry, you said this would happen, I should have been smarter, shouldn't have gone with the lust. It's my fault." He said not facing me. "Its mine, I should have stopped you, if I had, this wouldn't have happened" Raphael looked at me " You might be right, but it was probably going to happen anyway." I turned, looking at him, his face was swollen as if he had cried. I had to clench the urge o touching him.

"You love her, right?" I asked him. He nodded, turning away. "I do" "But?" I asked because I knew that wasn't everything. "I think, I also like you." He said, playing with his nails. I was in shock, I stood silent for a moment, not able to face him. "How come?"  I asked him."What? You are going to tell me that you don't feel the same way?" "I don't know Raphael, I have felt many things. I feel completely different when I'm with you, you are not like the other guys who I had slept with or dated. To me, you are special in your own fucked up way." He smiled. "We are fucked up, what we have done is fucked up" he said looking at the doors as if trying to catch someone who might be there hiding "It is" I said waiting for her to come.

The water was calm, the sunlight reflecting on it. I felt my back heating up. Raphael tried to grab my hand, I rejected it and jumped in with my clothes on. I sank to the very bottom, letting my thoughts run. I still couldn't make sense of how things had gone this far. I was the worst human being, I should have told Lea, I should have stopped this, I shouldn't have allowed this. I shouldn't have done this to my best friend. A pair of arms pulled me to the surface, I was being rescued but I didn't deserve it, I should have been left to drown.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?" Raphael screamed at me, my lungs were burning. My heart wanted to be ripped out of my chest and my soul felt destroyed. Max was there next to me as well, holding my hand. I couldn't tell if he felt sorry for me or what. But his expression was hard to read. I heard some steps coming from the kitchen and there she was. She had been crying, she didn't say a word to any of us. But she gave me a sad face, "Max" she called. "Coming" He gave me an assuring nod and went running to her, leaving Raphael and me, once again wet, on the border of the pool.

"Do you think she will forgive me?" I asked him. "I hope she forgives you, but I'm pretty sure she might never forgive me." "I think she won't talk to me ever again" I said holding the tears that ran over my face. "Hey, don't cry, I can't promise you it's going to be alright, but no matter what, you will have me" Those words were comforting enough, but I wasn't sure. I didn't want him to have to choose between the both of us. But I felt like if he had to, he should choose her, It would be for the best. I wouldn't put their relationship in jeopardize again.

"What do you think they are talking about?" He asked me. "About this," I said pointing at us. "About us, you mean" "Yeah, precisely" He took my hand, this time I didn't let go. "I mean what I said earlier" His tone was scaring me, why these things had to happen to me, why did I have to be put in this situation where I might be the reason my best friend might never speak to me again and the same reason why she might leave her boyfriend.