My Pain

Tragedy Strikes Part 2

Lil Eazy E POV

Some days have passed and I had been very upset. I couldn't tell my younger siblings that our dad was going to die because I actually fully didn't believe it myself. I had strong faith that my dad will get better again. Everybody at school knew about my fathers condition because they watched the news or their parents told them. In school, I wasn't so focus at the time of my fathers death. I was so worried and scared about my dad. I was worried that I would get a call home telling me my dad was gone. My classmates were very encouraging . They told me to just pray, keep your faith, don't lose hope and it motivated me to stay strong. I came home and did my homework which was just social studies. I hated social studies 😒🥺 So my grandmother came in the kitchen and said that we were going back to the hospital . I was so happy because I wanted to see and check up on my daddy. So when we got there, my aunt and my uncles were there. (My uncle Kenneth and uncle Donald). We went into the room and saw my dad, who still looked normal as usual. That's what I never understood, how can my dad have aids and still look normal. Usually when people have full blown aids , you see the deterioration. So my dad told me that he was going to have a procedure done to get fluid of his lungs. I was expecting it to be so scary. I told my dad that I love him before he went in and he said I love you more. I saw the whole procedure get done. I was literally standing in the door. I was so traumatized. Their was a beeping sound that was so loud and was going crazy. Doctors were rushing in and out the room. They were pumping my dad's chest and he was put under anesthesia. My aunt was screaming and crying. I was just so terrified, I couldn't get anything out. After the doctors were finished with my dad's procedure, they placed him back into the room. He had tubes in his mouth , so he couldn't talk. My grandmother went in first and he was still under anesthesia. The doctors said he probably can't hear or respond to you. I was so sad. I just wanted to hear my dad voice just to put faith back into me. After everyone else went in, I was the last one to go in. When I entered the room, the room was very dimmed. The machines were beeping and my dad had tubes down his mouth and in his chest. He couldn't talk to me. His eyes were clothes. I sat in a chair right beside the bed and just looked at him for a minute. I was so hurt. I hate seeing my dad laid up in the hospital bed. I grabbed his hand and he squeezed it then he open his eyes. He looked me straight in the eyes with a scared look on his eyes. He was so scared. I felt so bad. I just started crying my eyes out just holding tightly to his hands. I said this : "Daddy..... I know that you are scared and you feel like this is your fault. But daddy is not your fault. I wish that I could take your place in that hospital bed but I can't. I just want you to get better.
I miss you being at home just talking about anything and having long conversations with you. I miss play fighting with you and joking about other people. I miss your embrace. I miss your encouragement. I miss it all. I wish you would weren't in so much pain. It hurts me everyday. Erin keeps asking me when daddy's coming home. I can't tell her the truth. Dominick is crying daddy every time he cries. Erica is falling apart everyday. She is so worried about you and she scared. Derrick is asking me what's wrong with you but I can't tell him because I don't want to scare him or anyone else. I prayed everyday for you to get better . I love you so much Daddy. So much. You are the best thing that ever happened to me. You helped me get through everything especially my depression. You saved me. I wish you could speak to me. I just want to hear your voice again. Every time I hear your voice, I feel safe and unafraid. I feel hopeful. Everything I had did wrong , I'm sorry. I just want you better. " I confessed my heart to my dad which felt extremely good. My daddy started crying and he was rubbing my hand gently. I looked in his eyes and it let me know that he was gonna be ok. When visiting time was over with I got up and kissed his cheek. And he rubbed my hand gently again. I put a faint smile and said i love you to him one last time.

I'm was and still is emotionally torned. My dad had slip into a coma. He can't talk or even hear. He was basically dead. He had machines breathing for him.  I was very upset and hurt. I felt like it was the end for my daddy and it was. My daddy had a written statement and it was read out by the press. I knew my dad didn't write it because he was in a coma. Tomica probably had something to do with it. Then 3 days later ..... my life changed forever........

On Sunday, March 26 , 1995, Eazy E aka My Daddy, my heart , my everything .......died. I was so shocked. I remember that I had gotten up at 12:00 in the evening and my grandmother was crying. My grandpa was so upset that he had to leave . My aunt was crying , my uncles were crying, and Big Man was crying the hardest. I looked at my grandmother and she said " Eric I just got a call from the hospital. Your daddy couldn't fight the sickness anymore. He died. Daddy's gone baby, I'm so sorry. Just remember that your daddy love you very much and he will always be with you". When she said them words , I was so numb. I felt like I just had been shot. My daddy was gone forever. I'll never see him again. I was so empty and speechless. I had no words to say. I couldn't cry, scream,yell or anything. I ran outside to my favorite place .  I sat down by the tree and just started to take process on what was said. The place I sat was where my dad came and healed my depression. Y'all I wanted to cry so bad. I was fighting so so hard to keep my tears in because I had to stay strong for my siblings. I didn't want them to see me sad. I was their big brother. I even started to tell myself , no my dad not dead , it's just a misunderstanding. I got up and I walked home. When I got home I saw Derrick crying his eyes out in my grandma lap. I picked him and hugged him tightly. He said " Dad-da- Daddy's gon- gone" I told him it's okay and told him to keep his head up.  I need somebody to tell me those word so bad because I was so crushed and broken. Erin asked me where's dad was . " Erin daddy's is going to be gone for a very longtime. Ok? " Erin just started crying. I felt super bad. I wanted to cry so damn bad. I was so angry that I wanted to destroy everything. Grandma had gotten a call from my mama calling out for help. I went with my grandmother to my mamas house. When we entered the house, all we heard was yelling and screaming that was coming mainly from Erica. We then ran upstairs and see my sister on the edge of the balcony fighting my grandma because she wanted to commit suicide. Erica took my dad's death the hardest. She and my dad were so close. She was daddy's princess, a true daddy's girl. She lost her bestfriend, her daddy. Erica was screaming " LET ME GO. I WANT TO DIE. I WANNA BE WITH MY DADDY. I DON'T WANT TO LIVE WITHOUT HIM. WHY DID HE HAVE TO GO?  I DON'T HAVE A PURPOSE TO BE HERE!" Erica was crying so damn hard. I never seen her cry that hard. I'm just told her " ERICA. I understand that you are hurt and you feel like your life is ruined. I feel the exact same way. We just lost two most important people in our lives. But dad once told me that God puts his biggest battle on his strongest soilders and we're are few of the soilders. We are going to get through this together. Okay sis? We already lost mom and daddy. I don't wanna lose you too." She got down from the balcony and she ran into my arms and cried uncontrollably hard." I love you Erica. We only have each other now sis." " I love you to Eric. I couldn't sleep that night. My life is going to be broken forever. I'm never going to heal from this.