Never Be Afraid Again (sequel to We'll Carry On)

You'll never fight Alone

 It was an oddly sunny day, despite the mood that hung over the house today; fear and sorrow. Gerard had been home for about two weeks now, which was absolutely amazing. It was surreal getting to wake up to him again, make meals together, take Bandit out, and put her to bed together. Bandit was over the moon by the fact that her daddy was home for a good long while, and so was I.

 Today was an important appointment for me. I had to go to my chemo treatment and have yet another petscan done to see the progression on my Acute Lymphocytic Leukemia. Gerard knew now, but he was the only one. No one else was informed that I was sick, at my request and Gerard agreed it would be best until we knew the severity of my disease that we didn’t scare the shit out of our friends.

 When this had all started again, the cancer hadn’t progressed into my other blood cells –excluding the bone marrow and cells around my left hip-but it was spreading. I was only going to chemo once a month so I could lead a normal life with Bandit. Now that Gerard was home though, he demanded I do whatever the doctors suggest to get rid of this fucking thing. The scary part was after today’s appointment, we had to tell Bandit.

I was pulling my hair up into a messy bun when Gerard came up behind me, wrapping his arms tightly around my waist and kissing my neck.

“It’s going to be okay, I promise.” He breathed against my neck, trying to convince me as well as himself. I sighed and leaned back into him.

“I know, I just… I just hope it doesn’t get as bad as the last time. I don’t want to go through that or put you guys through it.” I spoke of him and Bandit now.

“Hey.” He spun my around and pushed me against the bathroom sink, cupping my face and leaning his closer to mine so our eyes were locked. “I don’t give a shit how bad it is. I’m not letting you do this alone anymore. You are my fucking life, Stormy Way. You and our daughter are everything to me. You’re going to be okay because I am going to be right beside you at every chemo, at every appointment, even at fucking dairy queen if that’s what you want. You will never fight alone.” He leaned in and kissed my head, still cupping my face. I wrapped my arms securely around his waist.

“I love you.” Those three words seem to have been exchanged an abundant amount of times between the three of us, but it didn’t matter because every time they were spoken the meaning only became stronger.

****

“Thank you so much for watching her Mikey. We’ll be home in a few hours, okay?” I hugged my brother-in-law as Gerard grabbed his keys.

Mikey was going to watch Bandit for us while Gee and I went to the cancer center. He still was oblivious as to why we needed him to watch her when we rarely ever asked anyone to babysit Beezle, yet he never questioned us knowing we would tell him when the time was right.

“Anytime guys, I love spending time with Bee.” He smiled at me warmly.

“Bee, come give me and daddy hugs.” I shouted into the craft room where Bandit was coloring. She came running out with a piece of paper in her hands. I kneeled down to her height and smiled at her.

“What do you have there, princess Bee?” I looking at the paper.

“I coword you a piture mommy!” She smiled exuberantly. It was a picture form her princess coloring book of Cinderella with black and red hair and a nose ring. Her dress was red and black with silver spikes. For a three year old, she did remarkably well. I smiled and pulled her into a tight hug.

“It’s beautiful, baby. Thank you! We’ll be home soon, okay? I love you.”

“I wuv you too, mommy.” She cooed, melting my heart. Gerard’s arms quickly replaced mine as he hugged and kissed her, telling her he loved her.