It's fine, I forgive you... // Bakudeku angst // (DISCONTINUED)

6. Night terror?

Izuku's POV:

Did I hear well or was it just my imagination? He not only worried enough to ask about me but... He called me by my name.... He hadn't done that since we were kids!!

With his few words, Kacchan managed to blow my mind in such a brutal way, I just spaced out while staring right into his eyes.

Nothing seemed like reality, I felt like it was just a dream. That kind of dream you would try to fall asleep again to see how it ends when something wakes you up at night. I was curious about this dream, it wasn't one of my usual night terrors which made me wonder... Why am I dreaming this now? the mirror, almost nice kacchan, the cars... It's nothing like the usual and that was scary in some weird good way.

Why did this dream feel so real? And when will it end?

Even if I liked this kacchan, I was scared about this unusual dream. I expected it to end up as a nightmare and wake me up to continue with my life. My horrible life. I didn't want this dream to end.

I loud punch on the table snapped me out of my thoughts. I looked up to see kacchan yelling at me, but I couldn't hear what he was saying. Suddenly, there was no noise but a loud and painful beep. I ignored kacchan and covered my ears, struggling with the loud noise. My body started to ache and my vision became blurry. I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs but noting came from my mouth as I opened it wide.

Then it all became black.

Kacchan's POV:

I was so concerned and shooked I didnt even dare to speak. What could I say? He almost kills himself and I cant even ask why. It made me feel so hopeless, I hated it.

We took a seat, both of us still quiet. That silence wasn't awkward, it was disturbing. You see, any other day Deku would have apologized too many times and gave lots of different explanations in a failed attempt for a excuse... But he didn't. Why was he different than usual? Why wasn't he being himself?!

I was in front of him but still couldn't figure the right thing to say. At some point, I found that one question that might answer all my doubts so I didnt hesitate to say it.

"What is wrong, Izuku?"

I was expecting him to start mumbling nonsense for a while after actually explaining. Well, of course it couldn't happen as I thought, not today. Instead, he looked surprised and ignored me. How the fuck does he dare ignore me again?!

I asked again, a bit louder this time, got the same result.
DAMMIT DEKU!! If he thinks ignoring me is going to work forever, I will remind him who he's messing with.

I just bursted out yelling at him for an answer. For my surprise, that didnt work either. It was as if he didnt hear me at all.

"Wait, what the...?"

He then started doing weird things. He looked to be in pain though, maybe it was someone's quirk? Wrong. I heard him scream at the top of his lungs, tears running down his cheeks and eyes filled with horror, I wanted to help with whatever was happening. I stood up and tried to reach his shoulder but I was too slow. His face hit the table as his body rolled to the side, falling from the chair. I managed to catch him on time and sat him back, taking care he didnt fall again. Did he just fucking pass out?? What the hell?!

What was I supposed to do now? I tried shaking his shoulders gently like they do in movies. I tried something else from the movies when that first option didnt work, I took my glass of water and threw it at him hoping for a reaction. Nothing.

I decided taking him back to the dorms so he can rest while I wait. I picked him up an threw him on my shoulder as I got out of that place.

On my way, I tried to figure out what happened and all that made sense for me was... exhaustion. I mean, It wasn't a hot day, he wasn't ill, he drank nothing... What else could make him faint?

We arrived at UA and I took him to his dorm. When I lifted his weigh from my shoulder, I noticed that something fell from his jacket. Then, I layed his numb body on his bed with care.

I looked down to see what fell and... Didn't expect what I saw. A small box cutter was there on the floor. I picked it up and stared closely.

"It's pretty clean, huh? No crimson spots on the edges nor the sides... He didn't use it for that yet, if it even is for that" I spoke with myself in a low tone.

"On the other hand, he could have used it for something completely normal, kept it in his pocket and then forgot about it. Meh, doesnt sound convincing enough."

I sat down on the floor, resting my back on the bed, still staring at the cutter. "I know its only possibility I'm not even sure of... However, if I am right... No, I can't take it, he'll just find something else. Its useless to take it. God dammit nerd, I trusted you wouldn't fall for this." Without noticing, a small explosion came from my hand which made the cutter fly away. I managed to catch it with the other hand though.

I understood what selfharm was from a personal level, I knew all tricks, excuses, tools and wounds. Still, I didn't know how to get out of it. But that didn't mean I cant help.

"Wait a damn second... Why the fuck am I even thinking about it? Why do I care? I don't give a fuck about this nerd! Why the hell am I still here? Not like useless Deku was my problem!--- tch!" I then realised, non of this was my business. "Deku is the same as always and I shouldn't even be next to him, its pointless!" My own anger was getting me frustrated. I got up and walked up to the door to leave the room. Being there was just a waste of my time.

Right when I was about to walk out, I heard a quiet sob coming from behind me. I turned around and saw izuku curled up in bed, shaking in his sleep.

I wanted to go, really wanted to leave him there with his own things and continue with my own life. But, seeing him this weak and hopeless... I couldn't leave him like that.

The cutter was still in my hand, so I left it on the desk and sat on the bed's edge, looking down at izuku.

"It's some kind of nightmare? Uhm..." I know in most cases, its not that good to wake up someone from a nightmare because they could mix reality and dream, but I didn't give a damn.

"Oi, nerd! Wake up fucking deku!" I said as I patted his shoulder. Izuku didnt wake up instantly, but he shook his head while mumbling stuff I couldn't understand.

"Kacch... Dont- leave..." He whispered in between sobs. I was confused, was I in his dream? Why?

"I wont, idiot" I simply replied. Maybe a good way of calming him down was a hug? Not a nice idea but it could work. I layed down next to him and hugged him. "Shut up, dammit"

He froze, his sobs slowly disappearing and turning into soft snores after a while. It worked!

__________________________________

Haiii, so.... Kinda long chapter? Meh, I feel like this one makes no sense with the story but... I just dunno how to keep it interesting without this kind of drama, will work on it-

Also never mind all might up there, he's just adorable.

Thanks for reading anyways, I appreciate it so much!!

💕Lots of love!💕

Updated: 6 of August, 2019