( not edited short story )
" The old me was happier... but there was no doubt that she was broken." - Sawyer Hill
It's 1954 and Sawyer Hill is a pure Arizonian at heart. But when her scientist parents make the split, Her father, twin brother Dustin...
" Who looks outside, dreams; Who looks inside, awakes." -Carl Jung
When I wake up, I can feel my headbanging. BOOM boom BOOM boom. I lifted myself out of bed and tried to remember last night. It went by so fast, I briefly remember anything. Bits and pieces slowly come through.
Ugh, oh no. I crashed Serena's bash last night. The sun shining through my window blinds me and amplifies my headache. What was I doing? I didn't drink anything. I mean, I act like I do because the kids will think I'm crazy, but I've never had a drop. Oh wait, it was probably when I fell on the curb on the way to Selena's house. Do I have a concussion? A sharp pain wrinkles through my head. Yup. I do.
I roll out of bed with disdain and close my eyes tightly, hoping that the pain with disappear. Nope, it's still there. I walk across my room and see a picture of me and my best friends sitting on a wall on my bed stand. We seem like we are having a great time but I look closer at myself. My smile seems different.
I look at another photo on my bed stand and it shows mine and Dustin's 13th birthday party. I had my arms around him and my old friends around me. It looked like I had more freckles when I was younger, or do I just cover most of them with cosmetics now? I feel a little bit of sadness when I see my freckles and pale skin. That's actually me. Why was my smile more bright with them, than with my new friends?
Something pops in my head. Why am I friends with them? They're jerks! We've hurt so people at school and bully people just because they aren't as pretty as us. Wow, pain really brings out the real you. But... I've got to keep my reputation going.
I guess.
I stumble my way to the closet. Okay, I got to check out my head to see if I did any damage.
I'm scrummaging through my clothes when I see a binder on the back shelf. I reach out and pull out a thick, thick binder. It's my life plan from when I was younger. I thought I would never see this again. It was a detailed list of how I was going to get into college, get my dream car, dream guy, and dream house and job. Everything right in here. Why did I give all that up? Right by my binder was some old clothes. Pants with paint stains and my dream college T-shirt. I give myself a small smile. Maybe I'll twist things up a bit my own way, again.
I hear a knock on my door and see Dustin leaning against the door frame. He mentions his head to my binder.
" I see you found thee binder." He says in an intimidating voice, as if my binder was a magical object. I look at the engraving at the bottom, it's in gold letters with my mother's initials. The corners singed and black. The maroon leather torn in the middle and crisp.
Mom gave the binder to me when I got my first 100 A's. She told that she couldn't wait to help me talk about my goals and dreams and working out everything together. Well, that was another lie, since she got up, left, and walked out of our lives.
" I thought I burned this," I whisper.
" Yeah, you thought you did. I took it out when you walked away. You worked really hard on this plan. You got extra credit and even did community service. But I guess it's too late now, huh doll? Since, you know, you became popular, being made in the shade and threw away all of your good grades." I roll my eyes, a habit I've developed over the last couple of years. I set down the binder.
" Ah, stuff it D." I curse at him. He just rolls his eyes.
" I know your smart, Sawyer. You and your teachers know. Yet, you let no one else see it. I see you work late at night, going through pop's papers and help him solve his problems. He is a scientist, an elite scientist. And you just do his paperwork for him. When you write your essays, even though you flunk them on purpose, you take time and actually study the subject. In class, you take notes and pay attention, even though all of your friends distract you with your chatty, girl-talk, nonsense. Whenever you are bored, you don't call your girlfriends, no, you get a book and study it. Last week, I saw you study your Biology textbook for three hours! It's one thing to just throw everything away, but you still have the desire to study and learn something new. Admit your smart and maybe you can get out of this awful town."
" Maybe I don't want to leave, Dustin! Maybe I want to stay here will everything will be the same. No change, at all." I throw my binder on my bed. It bounces off and lands on the floor, opening to a page with a picture of my mom and me. I'm holding an award for the science fair. 1st place.
" Your different, S. And you know it." I don't say anything. I just stand there with my arms crossed and rock back and forth on my heels.
" I- I just miss the old Sawyer, the real Sawyer. My sister." Dustin whispers. When I look up he is gone. I see my binder on the floor and my old paint-stained pants on the shelf.
Maybe another day, I thought to myself... when I'm not scared to leave everything behind.
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