Change me (Taylor caniff)

Chapter 22

"Bailee" Taylor softly tapped my shoulder. I sat up and stretched. I must've fell asleep. "Yeah?" I yawned. "We are ordering some pizza and watching movies tonight if you want to join" he said. "Okay" I replied. He nodded and slowly walked out. He glanced over his shoulder before he closed the door. When our eyes met something felt weird. Like the fist time I saw him. Butterfly's.
I always write people notes when I'm confused or sad, but I never give it to them. It helps free the thoughts and calm me down.
Taylor,
I don't know what to do anymore. I love you. I really do. But I don't know what's better for me. You're like a drug. I get addicted to you and I can't focus on life. When you touch me or even just make eye contact with me I feel like tons of butterfly's are in my stomach. I haven't told anyone but the other day I smoked again. I was depressed and alone. My aunt didn't care. I felt like nobody and did. All the times you called and I don't answer I still regret. I'm starting to feel alone once again. You helped me through it all and now I have nobody. I need you Taylor but I don't know how to get you back. I lost you. I made the worst mistake ever that day. I was sad and angry. I also cut the other day. I want to kill my self Taylor. I need help. Life with you was filled with happiness and bright days and now it's loneliness and dark. I'm sorry Taylor.
I folded the note up and put it in my notebook. I walked downstairs. Taylor and 3 other boys were sitting in the living room. "Bailee" Taylor looked up from his phone. "Guys this is Bailee" Taylor stood up. "Nick, Josh, Hunter" the other boys said. "Hi" I gave a small smile. "Are you hungry" Taylor asked. "No" I shook my head. "We're fixing to watch a movie" he said as he moved some stuff out of a chair. "You can sit here" he pointed to the cushioned chair. He pulled a stool from the bar and sat down. "No you can sit I'm fine" I said. "No." He said. "That looks uncomfortable though" I replied. "I'm fine" he smiled. "Okay" I sighed and sat down. The movie started and I tried to pay attention but I couldn't. I glanced at Taylor but he was already looking at me. He smirked and turned back to the TV.
I turned my attention back to the movie. After a few minutes the movie ended. "Let's go to that bar down the road" one of the guys stood. The other two followed him. Taylor stood up and looked at me. "I'm good" I said. "Okay" he walked outside with the others.
I walked upstairs and something in Taylor's room caught my eyes. A letter on his bed. I knew I shouldn't read it but I couldn't help myself.
I don't know where to begin. I guess I could start with I miss you baby. I dream about you. I can't keep you off my mind. I'm still in love with you. I didn't want you to go. I wish things were different or i'll move on tomorrow but for now, i'm still in love with you. Bailee. Please come back.
I folded it back up and walked out. I don't know what to do.
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A bunch of people came stumbling into the house. I made my way downstairs but stopped at the bottom. They had brought home 5 girls and all were drunk. The girls were half dressed and all over the guys. Taylor looked at me. I tore my eyes away from his and walked over to the couch. I sat down and watched as everybody went into there rooms. Some girl grabbed Taylor's hand and tried to walk him down the hall. He pulled from her grip and told her to leave.
"Bailee" he made his way to me.
"Taylor just leave me alone." I said calmly.
"I'm sorry. I didn't bring them home" he stumbled around the coffee table.
"Yeah but look at you. You're drunk and it's only making things worse"
"Pleas forgive me. I've done f*cked up enough. I miss you so d*mn much" he sat down Beside me.
"I'm not going to keep running back to you because you're going to keep making the same mistake"
"I don't even know what the f*ck I did this time. Yeah I messed up them other times but this time I didn't do anything." He raises his voice.
"I never said you did this time. I felt like we were not working out well and I've sien gave you to many chances."
"We can make it work out now" he laid his hand on my thigh.
"Not tonight" I moved his hand.
"Why babe?" He groaned.
"You're drunk" I stood from the couch.
"Goodnight Taylor" I walked up the stairs. I stopped at the top and looked down at him.
"F*ck" he hissed. He pulled a piece of paper out of his pocket and read it. It seemed to calm him down. A smile spread across his face and he looked up. He laid it on the table and walked into his room.
I walked down the stairs and over to the piece of paper. It was an old note I wrote him. The first one to be exact. I couldn't help but smile. He actually kept it. I turned around and Taylor was standing in the doorway.
He just smiled at me and closed the door.
d*mn this boy confuses me.
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Not long after that I found myself laying in bed letting my thoughts drown me.
My mama always told me to never fall in love because love isn't real. That love is just a word that means nothing. She said every guy has a bad side and it will soon show. They'll break your heart and you'll run back every time because you think you love him. Love is a drug. It takes over your mind. I thought she was crazy. I thought love was real. Now I think different. I think love can be real. Just not quite yet. After so many fights we either go our own way or stick with each other. That determines love. I find myself running back to Taylor every time. Maybe I'm in love. I don't feel like it though. I feel like nobody loves me. All I ever wanted was somebody that loves me for who I was. I never wanted to do the things I did but sometimes you take a wrong turn in life. I could be in college right now getting my life back together but I choose not to. You might think I'm crazy but I feel like something's making me stay. Like its the right choice. What's best for me.
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I awoke to voices downstairs. Yelling to be exact. I groaned and sat up. It was 8:45. To early for this sh*t. I changed into some decent clothes and walked out into the hallway.
"I don't care. I told you not to bring them home!" Taylor yelled. "What did it hurt" another guy asked. "I've done ruined everything with the girl I actually care about and Last night made it no better" Taylor stormed off into the backyard. I walked slowly down the steps as the other guy just sat there. The guy looked up at me. "Hey" he mumbled. "Hey. Jace right?" I asked as I walked closer to him. "Yeah" he sighed. "Look I'm sorry about last night. If you're mad at anyone be mad at me. It was my idea and I messed up and I don't want to ruin you and Taylor." He said. "I'm not mad. I just don't know how to feel about everything" I told him. "Taylor's a great guy really" he said. "I know." I smiled. "See you like him" he hit my shoulder. "No I don't" I looked down. "He talks about all the time. About how you're the best kisser and the best person to cuddle with" he smiled. I couldn't help but smile now. "Shall I continue?" He smiled. "If you want" I sat down beside him. "He said you were amazing. He said when he first met you he knew you were different. He told cam that day that you could change. From then on he helped you. Now look were you're at. A beautiful young lady with a bright future ahead" he looked over at me. "Just give him a chance. I've known Taylor my whole life and trust me, he's acts different about you. Usually he would've forgot about you after y'all's first breakup but he keeps coming back. He's loves you Bailee" he patted my back as he stood and walked away. I sat there for a minute and then stood up. I heard the backdoor shut. I turned and Taylor was standing there. "Hey" I walked to him. "Hey" he said sadly. "What's wrong" I asked. "Things" he sighed. "Lets talk" I shrugged. "I have and Idea" I said before he could answer. "Pretend we've never met. Let's start all over" I said. "Bailee. We've done tried this before" he rolled his eyes. "Shh" I silenced him.

"I'm Bailee" I stuck my hand out.