Short Stories

Thirty-Seven: Alone

 I sat in my dorm watching some YouTube videos, distracting myself from the silence. However, it had gotten late, and I had to take a shower and fall asleep and prepare for the concert tomorrow. I turned off my phone and collect my pajamas and a pair of underwear. Glancing over at the empty bed on the other side of the room, I bitterly resign myself to my thoughts. They just had to leave the summer camp early because they had nothing to do. I head over to the showers put your pajamas and underwear on some shelf thing. I hang the towel on the hook next to the shower and close the curtains. I strip my clothes off and put them on a little flat area where you're supposed to put your shampoo.

The water pitters against the ground as the water quickly warms up. I rinse my body as fast as I can, trying to think of literally anything. I turn the shower off and dry my body. Finishing up putting on my pajamas, I headed back to the quiet dorm to grab my toothbrush, toothpaste, a little plastic cup, and a hand towel.

Turning the sink on, I fill the plastic cup with warm water that smelled strange. I squirted some toothpaste onto the white toothbrush and brush my teeth. I spit out the excess foamy toothpaste and rinsed my mouth out. The water smells weird, and I crinkle my nose as I accidentally smell it as I pour some water into my mouth. I wash my face and wring out the towel before leaving the bathroom.

I flick the lights off and scuttle back to the safety of my bed. I pull the thin blanket over my body and wait for my body heat to warm up the cold bed. It doesn't happen. I shiver haplessly in my bed, cursing that the blanket isn't thick enough. However, I don't move to grab the other blanket I folded and put in the closet. I suffer and curl my body up in the deafening silence.

I was alone.

I never did like being alone.

A small voice in the back of my head tells me that my friend left early because they wanted to get away from me. I shiver, but it wasn't from the cold. I toss and turn, trying to generate heat and distract myself from the silence.

Instead, I catch glimpses of the empty side of the room. Tears start rolling down my face and I barely choke back a whimper. I wipe my tears away with the flimsy blanket. Why was I crying? I wasn't alone. There were other girls in the dorm next to me. Maybe I was cold, and it was just getting to me. I got out of my bed and turned the lights on. I opened up the closet door and grabbed the other blanket. I draped it over the bed, turned off the lights, and crawled back under the covers.

It was definitely warmer. It felt nice. I stared at the ceiling. Then, I closed my eyes. I started crying again. I hated it. I shouldn't even be crying! My friend just wanted to leave early because she couldn't practice properly and had nothing to do tomorrow. It was helpless though as tears kept rolling down my face and strained whimpers and sobs escaped my mouth.

The silence taunted me. Usually, she would crack her knuckles while sleeping (somehow), or there would be quiet breathing from the other side of the room. But, it was just me in the room. I turned the lights on again. I went to the bathroom to dry my tears on a paper towel. I quietly sniffled as I grabbed a paper towel from the dispenser. I walked back to my room and closed the door.

I dried my tears and look in the mirror. My eyes were bloodshot and the area around the eyes was red and slightly puffy. I turned away from the mirror, another sob creeping up at the sight of my patheticness. I threw the tissue away, turned off the lights, and crawled into bed. I lay in my bed, trying to distract myself. But, my brain took every highway back to me being alone. I let out a stuttered breath, trying to regain control of my brain, but it continued. I turned the lights on again, needing to blow my nose. I walked back to the bathroom but heard voices inside. I stood there, frozen, debating on whether to walk in or not.

I closed the bedroom door and took out the tissue I used from the trashcan and blew my nose. Then, I turned the light off and crawled into bed. This happened two more times. I turned on the lights and went to get a tissue. Dry my tears, turn off the lights and go back to bed. I eventually fell asleep. When I wake up from the alarm, there is no groaning from my friend and no laughter from me. Just the sound of the song playing through the cold room. I turn it off and go on with my daily routine. My eyes are no longer bloodshot and red though, so that's a win. I pack up as much as possible and go with my day.

Alone.

I know that if I sat with the other orchestra kids, they wouldn't object to it. So, why did I choose to sit alone at breakfast? I don't know. Maybe because this was just what I did every morning before school. I go to practice, change into a fancy dress, talk with some orchestra kids, and do the concert. I smile, not really meaning it. I was surrounded by people. I wasn't alone anymore. So, why did I feel so tired and cold? It was hot under the stage lights as they took pictures of everyone on stage. I don't know. After I arrive home, I eat a home-cooked dinner. Then, I do my nightly routine and go to bed.

Alone.

Again.