Becoming Aredhel

Chapter Eight- A Breakthrough

Aredhel's POV

I lie awake, unable to sleep. The balcony doors are open, allowing the cool night breeze to drift inside my chambers and wrap me in its lonely arms. My chest aches with a grief that words could never accurately express. The pain is so deep and raw that it overshadows the aching in my side.

Tears slide down my cheeks like rain against a window pane. My eyes sting from rubbing them so much. Everytime I breathe, the pain in my chest triples, and I wonder how I will ever live on with such sorrow festering inside of me.

Most of the time, it is easy for me to forget. During the day, my heart and mind are preoccupied with Elladan and his family. They do a wonderful job of distracting me from my grief.

But nighttime, I simply cannot escape. The darkness of the night brings about the darkness inside of me, and there is nowhere to hide. I simply lie in my bed, night after night, wishing that I was back home in my own bed with my brother and parents sleeping soundly in the rooms on either side of mine. I wish to hear Naneth's voice singing Elas to sleep again. I wish to hear her speaking of the baby in her stomach, and how loved she will be. How naneth hoped for another girl!

Sometimes I try to picture her in my head- my sister I mean. I wonder what she would have looked like. I believe she would be the spitting image of Papa, since I was basically Naneth's twin. She would have eyes the color of emeralds and hair as dark as the earth after it rains. Thick eyelashes would frame those dazzling eyes, and as she grew, she would use those to her advantage and always get her way.

My chest tightens as more tears leak out. How is it fair? How is it fair that my sister's life be taken from her before she even has a chance to live? How is it possible that my family died, leaving me to live on in loneliness and doubt?

Most of the time, it does not even feel real. When I am reminded of my family, I feel like I am in a strange dream. It is easier during the day to pretend that it all truly was a dream. I can pretend- I can forget and move on during the day.

But at night, my sensible side comes out to play, and I despise it.

Papa is not dead. Nor is Naneth or Elas. They are simply waiting up for me right now. I went to visit Imladris after meeting my soulmate. They are waiting for me to come home.

So simple! 'Tis so simple to believe it! I can picture them in my mind, sitting in our living room together and telling stories, glancing at the front door every so often in anticipation of my return. Surely it must be true!

I roll over in bed, clutching the blankets to my chest as if to ward off all of these negative feelings. A shuddering gasp leaves my lips as I cry, and I curl up into a ball, my nightgown twisting around my body.

A soft knock at my door startles me, and I whisper a soft "enter."

The door opens slowly, and the moonlight illuminates Elladan's figure as he steps inside, his night robe hanging loosely around him. "Aredhel? Are you alright?" he asks quietly, obviously having felt my distress.

"Yes," I whisper quickly, but my voice breaks, and I am overcome with tears.

"Aredhel," he breathes, shutting the door and approaching me quickly.

I gasp for breath as I sob, covering my face with my hands. "No, no, I am not!" I cry, allowing him to pull me to his chest as he slides onto the bed. "I am not okay! Not in the slightest!"

His warm arms hold me to his strong body, and his fingers run through my hair soothingly, undoing the remnants of my messy braid. "Breathe," he whispers against my ear as I cling to him.