Becoming Aredhel

Chapter Seventeen- The Fears We Hide

Freda and I cross a white, wooden bridge that leads us over a picturesque fish pond. We walk side by side, chatting peacefully as we venture through trimmed hedges and vibrant flowers. She tells me of her husband and how happy he is to be a father. She divulges that she is nervous to be a mother but is afraid to tell Toross that.

"Toross gave up his immortality for me. He has lived many centuries in this world and is much, much wiser than I am. A baby is a precious gift to elves, something that is looked upon with only happiness and excitement, but I am scared. I am scared of not being a good mother. Mine died when I was very young. The only parents I have ever truly had are Elrond and Celebrían. They took me in without a second thought and raised me as an elleth, even though every drop of me is human," she divulges, and her hand is pressed gently to her swollen stomach. Her white dress dances around her legs in the sweet breeze, and her hair is braided beautifully down her back with a few curls left free to frame her pretty face.

"I would be scared, too," I admit, and her brown eyes meet mine in surprise.

"Truly?"

"Yes. The unknown is intimidating. It is natural to be nervous. You should tell Toross. I am sure he would admit to being nervous, as well," I comfort her.

I follow her onto a small white pavilion, sitting upon a swing with her. "Do you really think so? He never seems to be nervous about anything," she says with a laugh.

I smile. "I feel the same way about Elladan a lot. He never shows fear or uncertainty. He tells me exactly how he feels with no shame or bashfulness," I say softly, gazing out at the beautiful scenery that surrounds us. "But there are those rare moments where he looks into my eyes, and I can feel it through our bond. He worries, too. He gets nervous, too. He is just better at hiding it."

She nods pensively. "You are right. He would be upset with me for not telling him," she sighs, leaning back and placing her hands on her stomach. "I am terrified of giving birth. I have not told him that, either."

We laugh together- sharing secrets like we are children again.

"That is what I would be most nervous about," I admit with a grimace that makes her giggle. "The pain... I cannot imagine it."

"Thank you, Aredhel! That makes me so much less nervous," she exclaims sarcastically, but she is unable to keep from giggling.

"Sorry," I grimace again, "I may not be the best person to come to for motherly advice. I may be older than you, but I am very young for an elf. I am not as wise or graceful as the others. I hope someday I will be."

She pats my hand. "You are wise. I like your honesty. You are real- so much easier to connect with than a lot of the other elves."

"Thank you. I appreciate that," I reply honestly.

She glances at me with a small grin. "Have you met any of the other ellith here?"

"Not really. We have passed one another in the halls, but they mostly find ways to ignore me," I admit.

She laughs, rolling her eyes. "They are so jealous of you. It is disgusting."

"What?" I exclaim with wide eyes, surprised to hear someone else say it. I have always been told such a thing by my parents, but to hear it from Freda is validating.

"You took away their chance of marrying Lord Elladan," she whines, running a finger down her cheek in the path that a tear would take, and I laugh loudly. "Not that they had a chance anyway."