Emerson

T H I R T E E N

Emerson's P.O.V
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Going against every argument i've ever had with my mom I put on a black dress and stare at myself in the mirror.

I haven't slept since the day of the accident and I rarely eat. It's not on purpose I just forget.

I carefully clip on the necklace sam gave me for my fourteenth birthday and take in my reflection one last time with a sigh.

Walking down the stairs i spot my mom and dad waiting for me in the living room trying to gather their things.

Spotting me my mom smiles sadly "You look beautiful honey."

I manage to give her a small smile and a thank you before I walk out to the car and get into the back seat.

The car ride is quiet until my mom speaks up breaking the unbearable silence. "I talked to your biological parents and they said they could put off meeting them since so much has been going on lately. If you still want to meet them that is."

"Okay." I say softly not looking away from the widow.

As we pull up to the funeral home I feel that blank feeling wash over me.

The only other time i've been to a funeral was when my grandpa died and I was five.

I may have been young but I remember it in great detail. The gloomy setting you just can't seem to escape, the pitiful looks you get when someone sees you shed a tear, the people who use this day as a family reunion rather than a day to remember the one who died. it. sucks.

I spot Caleb outside of the door looking as nervous as ever and tell my parents i'll catch up to them before walking over.

He looks over at me "I don't know if i can do it." He whispers.

I glance at the doors and back at him "Me neither."

Ater a moment of silence he decides to speak up again "We both look like shit."

That's when I notice the dark bags under his eyes and messy hair and not in the way girls usually swoon over, it's the way that makes him look like he was hit by a bus.

I agree with him and suggest we walk in together with a sigh.

He hesitantly nods and hooks his arm with mine as we step through the doors.

The smell of the place itself is enough to make someone cry. It's the smell that hits you with waves of sadness and well as you would think, death.

Before we step through the doors holding sad people and a casket that holds my best friend I stop and pull Caleb back with a sudden feeling of nerves.

"C-can we wait just one more minute?" He doesn't question my sudden change in determination to get this over with and pulls us over to a couple of seats across the room.

I take a few deep breaths and shut my eyes. "How'd you two meet?" Caleb's -for once- soft and carful voice makes me open my eyes and look at him.

I look down and can't help but softly smile at the memory. "We were six. We were at this park and I noticed this chubby kid that was so much taller than sam picking on him." I pause.

"Me being me got mad and walked over and punched this ten year old kid who might I add was also quite bigger than me too, then I grabbed Sams hand and hid in the tube slide thingy. After that I guess we just became friends."

At the ends my brows furrow and my smile vanishes " Wait a second. You punched a chubby ten year old?" Caleb is obviously trying to hold back a chuckle.

I laugh "Yea I made him cry and run to his mom right after." He joins in with the laughter and as much as I hate to say it. It soon fades.

"I think i'm ready." We stand and before I can back out we walk through the doors gaining the attention of Sam's mom Leanna.

She walks over to us sniffling with a tear stained face. "Hey guys." She attempts a smile.

"Hey ma." I say before hugging her which she immediately returns.

Leanna and Caleb jump into a conversation and i spot my parents at the front and sit next to them.

I just want to get this over with. I don't want to say a speech. I don't want to see his pale and lifeless body. I don't want to see my friends and his parents sobbing.

Before I know it i'm distracted from my thoughts as a man starts to speak gaining everyone's attention and making the remaining standing sit.

After a few words he welcomed Leanna up to speak and she accepts wiping her eyes with a tissue.

"Thank you all for coming today. Honestly i don't know what to say. I'm great full to have had the past sixteen years with my baby boy and i will miss him every day." She lets out a sob and covers her mouth.

"I'm sorry." She looks to me with pleading eyes begging to get away from the many eyes. "Emerson would you like to say something."

As much as I would hate to go up there and speak I nod and walk up and as soon as i'm up there the words spill out of my mouth before I can stop them.

"I didn't know I was going to speak so I obviously don't have anything planned but that doesn't mean I don't have anything to say. Most of you know that I was close to sam. I could say he was just my best friend but Ibdon't think that title would do it justice. He was more of my brother." The tears start to fall and I don't even care to wipe them.

"I could stand up here and tell all of you what he meant to me and who he was but I guess I have more to say to Sam. But I can't. Sam if I could ever say anything to you I would start with i'm sorry." I refuse to meet eyes with anyone.

"Some of our last moments we spent arguing and I was to stubborn to admit that you just care. You were worried about me and all I could do was fight about it and i'm so so sorry." I let out a sob.

" I'm sorry I always took your shirts from you and never gave them back. Im sorry I never finished vampire diaries with you because I have the attention span of a fly. I'm sorry I copied every homework sheet and test you ever did in middle school. And i'm so so sorry your gone."

This is where I break. I can hardly stand on my own and I throw a hand over my mouth. All of a sudden Navaeh is pulling me off to the side and comforting me while I break down more than I have ever in my entire life.

I faintly hear someone else speaking in the background before his favorite song come on making me cry more which I didn't even know was possible.

I'm sorry sam.