Doki Doki Music Club ✓ [DDLC x QN crossover x Reader] [INTERACTIVE FANFICTION]

Sunday & The Festival - romantic tension and Reiji's cruel truth

!!!!!WARNING!!!!!:

uM-

Yes my friend. If you are one of the people who don't want to read the dark part-
You might want to stop reading at this very chapter. Because yes. We will pass that cruel point in this chapter, that messes up everything.
That point will be towards the very end of this supposedly - I write this before writing the chapter - very long chapter. You are very free to read forward, because I will give yet another warning right before the bad stuff happens.
But don't say I didn't warn ya, pal.
With that out of the way...
Enjoyyyyy.....
I'm more nervous than youuuu.... XD

_____♫♫♫_____

It's already Sunday. I've been getting increasingly anxious about... HIS upcoming visit. I keep telling myself that I have no reason to be nervous, but it doesn't help much. I wonder if he'll act any different when it's just the two of us.... Meanwhile, he's been texting me a lot. We sent each other a message after we exchanged numbers to double-check, but it turned into a conversation. He's almost a different personality on the phone. But putting him aside... I haven't heard one thing from Reiji since he left the club early the other day. It's not like we text each other all the time... But I've been lowkey worried about him. Between what he said, and what Ai said... Is it really okay for me to put Reiji's feelings aside when he might need me?

I decided to visit Reiji before Ranmaru/Camus comes over. Rather than asking, I simply texted him "I'm coming over", much like we've done in the past. Once I reached his house, I knocked on the door before entering myself. Again, we used to play so often that we just simply enter each other's houses like we're family by now.
The house was quiet. Reiji wasn't anywhere on the first floor, so I assumed he was up in his room. It was already very strange from him to not run down and greet me... I headed up to his bedroom.
"Reiji...?" I muttered as I entered.
"Hey [F/N]-chan." I heard his cheerful, but soar voice call out to me. He was sitting on his bed, and I sat down beside him. He forced a smile, but it was obvious that something was off. We were silent for a while.
"... You haven't come over like this in a really long time." he muttered quietly with a sad, nostalgic ghost of a smile on his face.
"Ah... I guess." I mumbled. "It's been a long time... Not much has really changed, has it?"
Reiji's room was as messy as it's always been. I also recognized the same action figures and wall decorations that he had for years now.
"If you came over more often, it wouldn't be such a mess..." he chuckled awkwardly. 
"That's because I end up cleaning it for you..." I sighed.
"How come that you suddenly wanted to come over today?" he looked at me. "Aren't you supposed to see Ran-Ran/Myu-chan today...?"
"Yeah, but..." I looked down. "... Wait, how did you know that?"
Reiji was already gone by the time we decided that.
"Ai-Ai told me." he smiled wryly. "It's only natural for him to keep me informed about the festival preparations."
"Ah, I guess that's true..." I muttered. "... But what about you? Aren't you helping Ai today?"
"Of course. But I'm only helping him online." he pointed at his laptop that he left beside him. "We didn't plan to meet up or anything."
"Ah, so it's just us who did that then..." I sulked.
"Yupp..."
Once again, we fell silent. Reiji stared in a random direction. Everything about his behavior was really odd and out of character. I finally gathered myself and got to the point.
"I just... wanted to see how you were doing. After you left on Friday..." I frowned. "When something's wrong, you can't just hide it from me...! I know you too well... So..."
Reiji smiled at me, shaking his head.
"That's no good, [F/N]-chan..."
"E-Eh...?"
"Why can't it just be like it's always been...?" he looked down. "This is all my fault... Haha... If I didn't get so miserably weak and accidentally express my feelings... If I didn't make that one dumb mistake... Then you wouldn't have been worried about me at all..."
I could see his hand clenching into a fist.
"... You wouldn't have come here... You wouldn't be even thinking about me..." he whispered, a large smile still on his face. "... But... this is just my punishment. It obviously is... I'm getting punished for being so selfish... I think that's why the world decided to have you come over today..." his voice broke. "Just to torture me.... Ahahahaha...."
"Reiji!!" I snapped, grabbing his shoulders. "What the hell are you saying!? Are you even listening to yourself right now!?"
Reiji stared into my eyes, surprised by my sudden outburst. I sighed sadly. "I know something happened to you... There's no other explanation for you to be like this. So just tell me already...! I can't stop thinking about this, for god's sake!"
"... Ah..." he smiled emptily, looking away. "Ahahaha... You really put me in a trap, huh... But... you're wrong... Nothing happened... I've always... been like this..."
He looked back into my eyes. His hazel orbs were completely empty as he kept smiling at me. "You're just seeing it for the first time."
"... S... Seeing what?" I furrowed my eyebrows. "What are you talking about, Reiji...??"
Reiji laughed once again.
"You're really gonna make me say it... aren't you.... I guess I have no choice, do I? Haha..." he took a deep, shaky breath. "The thing is... I've had really bad depression my entire life. Did you know that...?"
I slowly let go of Reiji's shoulders, staring at him in misbelief. Reiji sighed, his smile becoming more and more ironic. "Why do you think I'm late to school every day? Most days, I can't even find a reason to get out of bed. What reason is there to do anything when I fully know how absolutely worthless I am? Why go to school? Why eat? Why make friends? Why make other people put their energy and caring to waste by having them spend it on me? That's what it feels like. And that's why... I just want to make everyone happy. Without anyone worrying about me."
"...."
I didn't know what to say or think. How on earth did Reiji keep this from me the entire time that I've known him? Did he really want so badly for me to just... not think about him?
"... Why... Why, Reiji?" I asked sadly. I could hear my voice break.
"Eh...?"
"Why did you never tell me about this..??" I asked him desperately. "It feels like I've been punched in the face... If I knew, I would've done everything I could to help you!! Even if there's absolutely nothing I can do... I just would've tried harder to make every day a bit better for you... I'm your friend, Reiji! All you had to do was tell me!"
Reiji looked down. His smile was now obviously ironic. "... You don't understand a thing, [F/N]. Why do you think I didn't tell you? If I told you, you would've had to waste effort caring about me instead of doing important things. I don't want to be cared about. It's bittersweet when people try to care about me. It feels nice, sometimes... But..."
He looked down in front of himself, his eyes darkening even more.
"It also feels like thousand knives stabbing me in the stomach over and over again...... A...hahaha...." he looked up at me. "You see now?? That's why I wanted you so badly to make friends with everyone else. Just helping everyone to be happy together is... good for me. But then... Then I discovered something."
His smile was really faint, and it was obviously difficult for him to keep it on his face. "When I see you hanging out with everyone else in the club...It feels like... I'm getting stabbed in the heart... That's why I decided the world just wants to torture me... Every path leads to nothing but pain... Ahahaha...."
".... I really don't... understand..." I whispered. "I don't understand your feelings at all, Reiji... But... I don't need to." I made him look at me. "Whatever it takes for me to help you stop feeling pain... I will absolutely do it."
"No, [F/N]!" he chuckled. "There's nothing. Nothing. Nothing at all. The only thing that could've helped if everything could've been the way it was... But I was selfish. I finally showed you what a horrible person Reiji Kotobuki really is..."
Tears streaked down Reiji's cheeks. He started sobbing.
"I made you join the music club... and I was punished by my heart hurting in a horrible way that I couldn't understand... And now you came here... and I hurt you too." he turned his face away from me, as he once again forced a smile, waterfalls of tears falling from his eyes. "I'm just weak and selfish... That's all I am... So that's why I'm accepting these punishments... I deserve... every... last... one...!" he choked through his sobs. Once again, I grabbed his shoulders, and hugged him tightly.
"A... Ah...?" he choked beside my ear. "[F/N]..."
"Reiji. I don't care if you feel selfish." I told him soothingly. "I'm really happy that you made me join the Music Club. Seeing you every day makes it worthwhile enough... Making friends with everyone else is only a bonus. Please... never underestimate how much I care about you. I wouldn't have it any other way."
"... [F/N]..."
Reiji wasn't hugging me back. Once again, he started sobbing next to my ear.
"No... please... don't do this to me... please...! [F/N]... I...!"
He was barely able to speak through his sobs. I didn't know if I was doing the right thing. But all I want is for him to know that I care.
"If you have it in you to call yourself selfish... then you have to let me be selfish too." I muttered, burying my face into his shoulder. "No matter what it takes... I'll figure out what needs to change. I'll make these feelings go away. If there is anything you need me to do... just tell me... I'll get angry if you don't."
"..... I... I don't know..." he whispered. "I don't know... I don't know..."
Slowly, Reiji finally put his arms around me as well.
"... I don't know... anything... I'm just scared... I don't understand any of my feelings..." he choked out. I could feel his breath on my neck. "The only time I'm feeling something is when I feel pain..... But..."
He snuggled his face into my hair.
"Your hug is so warm..... That's... that's scaring me too..."
He suddenly let go of me, so I let him go as well.
"... The festival is tomorrow." I sighed.
".... Yeah..." he looked away.
"... It's gonna be fun, right?" I looked into his eyes - or, tried to.
"Yeah..."
"So what would you think if I'd spend it all with you?"
He looked at me sadly. "... U-Uhm..."
"It's what I want... I promise." I gave him a warm smile.
"... I..." he gulped. "... That would be nice... then..."
"Yeah."
Reiji wiped his eyes.  If I could, I'd spend here the whole day.
"Of all days, this has to be the one where I have other plans." I groaned. "Maybe I should just cancel--"
"No!! Don't! Please don't..." he looked at me with an almost begging look. "If you did that... I wouldn't forgive you..."
"But..." I frowned. "It's almost time for us to meet up at my house... Do you want to come along and help out at least? It would be fun."
To my surprise, Reiji shook his head.
"I'm sorry..." he smiled. "I don't know if that would be good of me today... You understand, right?"
"... Ah... I... don't know if I can fully understand... but... I'll try..." I slowly muttered.
"It's okay." he pat my head. "Don't worry too much about it. I'll see you tomorrow, okay?"
"... Alright." I let out a sigh. "I'm looking forward to it."