Alone |MattyBRaps|

Chapter 29

"I'm telling you, Josh! It wasn't a dream!"

"Did she actually walk up to you and kiss you?"

"Um... sorry to break it but uh, we didn't only kiss."

I looked at him and then I quickly took my eyes off him. He froze for a couple of minutes, trying to realize what I had just told him.

"You two had-"

"We made love, okay? It wasn't just a hookup! It clearly meant something to me!"

"Okay, Mister I Still Love My Ex Wife!"

"How wouldn't I? I mean, I spent my best years with her! She had seen me crying, she had seen me falling, she had seen me smiling, laughing, being angry, being happy, being sad and tired of life!"

I paused and I looked at him. A big smile formed on my face. My heart was beating faster and faster while I was thinking about her.

"She had seen me in my ups and downs. She was there for me. Since the first time I saw her, I knew she wasn't just a high school crush! She was something more than this! I knew I'd spend my whole life with her!"

I looked away from him. My smile died and a serious look appeared on my face. I looked down at my feet and then at my thumbs with which I had started playing. I took a deep breath and I lifted my head, still not facing my older brother.

"I know my plans didn't go as I had planned. I thought I would actually spend every day with her! That's why I married her. I needed to see her everyday! I needed to hear her angelic voice, I wanted to see her innocent and pure face!"

I sighed and I looked at my fingers again. My heart was beating slower and heavier.

"Four years after our marriage, our divorce came in our life. The most heartbreaking thing was our son's birth. My son grew up without knowing his father. I missed my son's birthdays. I wasn't allowed to see him growing up."

Josh placed his hand on my shoulder. I sighed once again and I looked at my fingers again. Then, I slowly looked at him with pain in my eyes and a little spark of hope.

"Josh, I want to get them back! I want them back! I want my family back! I want the kid I made with her in my life! I want her back in my life too! I need them, Josh! That night is so special to me. I felt the sparks again, Josh! I felt that... there's still hope, Josh!"

"I hope there's still hope for you, Matt! You really love her and mostly, you really care about your son!"

"I love my son! He's a part of me. He's also a part of her!"

"I know. So, I have to go now. You know, outdoor activities and stuff. So, bye Matt!"

"Bye Josh!"

He opened the door and he left. I was alone that moment. My eyes fell on my arms. I carefully looked at my deep scars, still feeling the pain.

I could see the blood coming out of my arm. I could feel my tears hitting the opened scars. I could feel all the mental pain and the blood rolling down to my wrist.

I shook my head and I closed my eyes. I sat on a chair holding my head. My inner voice was screaming Y/n's name. I needed her right that moment. I wanted her next to me. Soon, her figure appeared on my mind, making me calm down.

The power she had over me was so strong! I was her toy but I loved being her little marionette!

I'm alive! Don't worry!