Can't Stand To See You Cry (Jacob)

Chapter 7

Three days. It had only been three days.

Jacob was doing his best not to go insane missing her. He had this terrible aching in his gut every time his thoughts went back to her.

And what if I don't want you in my life at all?

During the day, he kept himself busy in the garage working on cars and any spare moment was dedicated to finishing Renesmee's gift. Quil and Embry had kept their promise to help him, but there was still lots to do.

Night time was another story. All alone in the quiet of his own home, the memories just kept flooding back. In his mind he replayed everything, still feeling helpless about what had happened and powerless to change her mind. Especially if she wouldn't even talk to him.

Jacob inhaled deeply, blowing out slowly as he rolled over and glanced at the clock. 1:53am. Great...another sleepless night. He was tired, completely exhausted but unable to shut his mind off long enough to get a decent night's sleep. He groaned as he threw his legs over the side of the bed and stood up, stretching.

Jacob moved toward the doorway, reaching up to the pull bar at the top. It had come in handy the last few days. It wasn't like he needed to work out more, but the pain in his biceps from the pullups was better than the pain in his gut when he thought about her.

60....61....62....

His mind drifted and he lost count. Up and down and up and down. His muscles flexed and jaw clenched and heart rate continued to rise. He kept going and going until he physically couldn't anymore.

Jacob started stripping off his clothes as he trudged his way to the shower. He stopped to look at himself in the mirror. He ran his fingers through his hair, now damp with sweat and resembling thick, black ink. It was starting to look shaggy and way past time for a trim. His eyes look lifeless and sad. Dark circles were starting to form underneath from all these sleepless nights. But the extra late night workouts were building up his arms, chest and back. He glanced at them for a moment and then stepped into the shower.

The water came out freezing cold on a full blast. He barely noticed the temperature other than to think it felt nice. Cold showers wake most people up, but he hoped it would help him sleep.

...................

The next day at the garage went by slowly. Quil and Embry showed up with lunch and the three of them joked and laughed as they ate. Jacob smiled for the first time in a while. It felt good to feel a little joy instead of constant pain. But it didn't last long.

"Have you heard from Renesmee yet?"

"Quil!" Embry scolded. "You promised you wouldn't say anything."

Quil shrugged and sheepishly replied, "Sorry."

Jacob popped the last bit of sandwich into his mouth and dusted the crumbs off his lap. "Don't even worry about it. I think about her all the time. You bringing up her name doesn't change anything." Jacob leveled his gaze to meet Quil's and reassured him once more. "Honestly...I'm fine."

"You must be ready to explode about right now?" Embry mused as he gathered the rest of their lunch trash and tossed it in the garbage.

Jacob nodded slowly as he dug around for the tool he needed. "Yeah, it's not been easy, that's for sure." He paused to tighten a lug nut and then continued, "I guess I'm just hoping that if I give her some time, she'll change her mind."

Quil smiled and agreed, "I bet she's really missing you right now, man."

Jacob raked a hand through his hair and brought it to rest on the back of his neck. It seemed like his muscles were always tense now. "You think?" he asked his friends hopefully.

"Uh, yeah!" Embry replied, smacking Jacob on the back for encouragement. "You guys used to spend every day together. She has to be going out of her mind missing you just as much as you're missing her."

Quil broke out laughing as he climbed on top of the Impala and pulled his shirt over his head. "Just show her your muscles, Jake! Give it to her!" he hollered as he flexed his biceps and crunched his stomach muscles.

Embry joined in on the game, running up to Quil and exclaiming in a high pitched voice, "Oh, Jakey...you're so beautiful! Kiss me!"

Jacob shook his head and laughed deeply as he watched them wrestle each other. "Come on, guys," he reasoned. "We got work to do."

"Am I interrupting?"

All three of them froze at the sound of a woman's voice. Jacob took a deep breath and wondered how long Bella had been standing there.

"I see you're working hard..."

"More like hardly working," he smirked as she crossed the garage to face him. "These two are obviously tons of help."

Bella smiled widely as Jacob pulled her into a hug. He gave his friends a knowing glance and they made quick work of gathering their things and making themselves scarce. "Bye, Bella! Bye, Jakey!" they called on the way out.

Bella pulled back from Jacob and narrowed her gaze. "Were they making fun of me?"

Jacob released her and gave her a lopsided grin. "How much of that did you hear?"

"Enough," she sighed. "But I'm not mad about that. It's nice to see you smile. I've been worried about you."

Jacob sat on the hood of an old Chevy and patted the spot next to him in case Bella wanted to join him. "I'm doing o...kay," he chuckled nervously. "I feel better during the day, when I'm busy working and joking with the guys, but at night..."

Bella stepped up to him, cocking her head and searching for his gaze. "You're gonna make it through this. I know it."

He forced a smile for her and casually asked, "Has she said anything...about me?"

Bella furrowed her brow and shook her head. "No, sorry."

Jacob hopped down off the hood and maneuvered around her. He couldn't stand that look of pity on her face any longer. "But she's okay?"

Bella crossed her arms over her chest. "I guess so. She keeps to herself these days."

Jacob knelt down beside a Jeep Cherokee and began fiddling with the hubcap absently. "How do you not know?" he accused lightly.

Bella sighed and shrugged as she sauntered around the Jeep and knelt down to face him. "She's angry. Not just at you, but at Edward and I too. She feels betrayed by all of us. And she has every right."

Jacob finally met her gaze. Now he felt pity for her. "Oh, Bells. This is so messed up. What did we do?"

Bella sank down cross legged on the garage's dirt floor. She ran both hands through her hair and forced a smile. As her eyes scanned all the cars, she took notice of the pretty baby blue sports car hidden almost completely by a large tarp. "Is that the one?" she asked, nodding in the car's direction.

Jacob glanced over her shoulder and smiled. "That's the one," he announced quietly.

Bella reached reached for Jacob's shoulder and squeezed it excitedly. "She's gonna love it," she assured him.

Jacob laughed as he helped her up from the floor. When they stood, she ran her hand down his arm as her eyes grew wide. "Wow, you're getting huge."

"Just trying to keep busy," he admitted shyly as he turned both arms inward and inspected them. "Maybe I should ease up a little?"

She pursed her lips into a little smirk and shook her head. "Oh, Jake," she sighed, pausing to link arms with him as they made their way to the garage door. "As long as I can still get my arms around you, you're not too big."

Jacob threw his head back and laughed heartily. "I've missed you, Bella. Staying away...from all of you, has been really hard for me."

She turned to face him, the smile on her face showing she felt the same way he did. "Then don't be such a stranger. Come by the house later."

Jacob furrowed his brow in confusion. "Do you think that's really a good idea?"

"Trust me."