Can't Stand To See You Cry (Jacob)

Chapter 17

Jacob glanced down at Renesmee as she knelt in front of him. Her eyes were pleading with him as much as her words had.

You can tell me anything.

Jacob wanted to believe that was true. But somewhere in his gut he doubted she would feel the same way for him if she knew the truth. "I don't think I can tell you this, Nessie," he replied honestly.

As if she could read his thoughts, she said, "It won't change how much I...how I feel about you," she corrected.

He smiled just a little as he pulled her up from the ground and set her in his lap. She sat sideways, resting her butt on one of his muscular thighs, her long legs between his. One of her hands wound around his back and up to his neck, fingers tiptoeing through his now short cropped hair. She frowned. "I miss your scruffy hair."

He narrowed his gaze at her and playfully replied, "You're the one who wanted it cut...dork."

Renesmee gasped. "Dork? You don't call me a dork...I call you a dork," she informed him.

He laughed a little as he tightened his grip around her waist, pulling her impossibly closer as she snuggled against him. She pressed her palm to the side of his face and his head flooded with her memories, flashing by like a mini movie in his mind. So many conversations between them over the years. In each one, Jacob lovingly explained things to her or calmed her down when no one else could. When it was over, she stared deeply into his eyes.

"You've always treated me like I matter," she began. "Even when I was little, you were honest with me. Why can't you do that now?"

His heart ached with want for this girl. Did he dare believe what she said? She smiled softly at him, her eyes gleaming with...love? Just the thought of it gave him some much needed courage.

He stared down at their hands, fingers intertwined, her thumb rubbing small circles on his skin. "When we were in that shop, I guess I kind of freaked out."

"Okay," Renesmee nodded her head slowly. "Do you wanna elaborate on that or..."

"I don't know why...it just seemed like you were trying to get a reaction out of me," he blurted quickly.

"With lingerie?" she quizzed.

Jacon shook his head. "No, not that."

"I don't understand...."

"It's just the way you're acting now," he clarified. "It's like you're not you anymore!"

Renesmee took a moment to process this, then proceeded carefully. "This is me. This is who I am. I've grown up and I can't pretend I'm that same little girl I once was. And if that's what you want me to be...then I don't know what we're doing."

Her face hardened when he didn't respond. She pushed off of him, moving to stand, but he held her in place. "I know you're not a little girl any more. And I had to get used to you changing and growing on almost a weekly basis for the past seven years, but..."

"I haven't had a growth spurt in over a year. Grandpa Carlisle says this is it." Renesmee stared down at her hands and sighed. "I'm sorry I'm not what you imagined I would be."

Jacob placed his hand under her chin and raised her gaze to meet his. "You're everything I ever wanted you to be. Even more than I could have ever dreamed."

"But?"

He stroked her face softly now. "But you don't need to wear sexy lingerie to get my attention. You already have it. I am already having so much trouble with my self-control with you. I just feel like you're trying to shock me now...get some reaction from me."