So Cruel, yet so Beautiful. [ON HOLD]

Chapter 30 - Blame

"The habit of passing the blame onto someone is a sign of being dependent on that person."

*Matthew*

She stood there rooted on the spot, her eyes not leaving the place where she saw him last. Her shoulders were tense and she was breathing heavily, trying to stay calm.

"Alexandra?"

She turned her head towards me as I called her name softly. I saw the slight tint of tear stains on her cheeks. The anger and sadness was evident in her eyes as they focused on me.

I opened my mouth to say something, but the crack of twigs and the rustle of leaves interrupted me. Both Alexandra's and my head turned to the sound where Conrad came through the bushes.

He had clearly ran because he too was breathing heavily and his eyes darted around looking for the threat. When he realised there was none he locked eyes with Alexandra.

He took a step towards her in an attempt to tell her something, but she raised her hand towards him and he stopped dead.

Then she spoke, "Don't. I don't want to hear anything from you. Clearly when your pack is in danger you think it's a great time to run off and have fun."

"I wasn't hav--" he tried to defend himself, but once again she cut him off.

"How could you! You're supposed to be here! Innocent people were killed!" At this point tears were streaming down her cheeks as she shouted at him, Conrad only stayed silent.

"You're so fucking useless. You'll never be better than your brother." Conrad bowed his head as she spoke those words, not even daring to go against Alexandra. So I stepped in before she could say anything else.

"Alexandra, it's not his fault--"

"Don't you even try and fit into this conversation, Rogue."

I felt a stab of pain go through my body when she called me that. Octavian whimpered at the sudden insult. Alexandra seemed unfazed and stared at me with her electric blue eyes.

Just then she turned and ran the other way. I was about to set off after her when I felt a hand on my shoulder. I looked and saw it was Conrad,he had a sad look on his face as he shook his head.

"Don't run after her, she needs time," he let go of my shoulder and looked in the direction Alexandra went.

"But what she said about you and the name she called me... She never acts like that," I gave him a confused look and he sighed.

"This isn't the first time she's said things like that. She's had a couple of these outburst before, the things she says, although they sound awful, she doesn't mean them. She blames herself for what happened and she can only express it through anger and judgement," he explained.

He gave me a sad smile,"She's like a sister to me and I made a silent promise to her parents that I would protect her, no matter what. And if protecting her means sharing her pain then I will and I know you will too. Just give her a few hours then I'll tell you where she would go."

I nodded and Conrad started walking away from me disappearing into the woods, leaving me there. I looked around at all the warriors that lay dead around me, they had given their lives to save their pack.

The memory of my pack being killed surfaced and I felt my chest close. I let out a ragged breath as I felt a tears roll down my face, tears I didn't even know I was holding back.

"Why? What have I down to deserve this?" I heard myself whisper as I looked down at my bloodstained hands, the hands that killed five men.

♤♤♤

I was back at the house where I had taken a shower and washed off all the blood. I declared the clothes ruined as I threw them in the trash, out of sight.

I wandered around the house trying to get the events from this morning out of my head. Trying to collect myself after the mental breakdown I had in the woods

I found myself behind the piano where I had seen Alexandra that one morning. The ivory keys glinted in the  light. I pressed one of the keys and sighed feeling hopeless.

It had already been three hours since the incident and Alexandra's outburst. I wanted to see her, hold her in my arms, kiss her like never before, but I respected her so I've waited. Besides I have no clue where she would be anyway.

The door to the room opened and Conrad appeared from the doorway. Then he asked, "I think it's safe to go see her now, she should have calmed down by now. Ready to see her?"

"Yeah, just tell me where she is. I need to see her," I told him and he motioned me to follow him outside where he would tell me where to go.

I was ready to see my mate, but I hopes she's ready to see me.

♤♤♤

Conrad gave me directions that lead me into the woods and towards a meadow. I knew I was heading in the right direction when I caught the sweet scent of jasmine and honeysuckle.

The trees started opening up and I saw the sun-filled meadow with it's tall grass and wild flowers. I looked around and in the middle of the meadow I saw Alexandra sitting in the grass.

She was fiddling with something in her hand as she looked down at her lap. I started making my way towards her. She heard me walk up to her and lifted her head to look at me.

When I was standing next to her I asked, "Is this seat taken?"

She gave small smile and shook her head and I sat down next to her in the tall grass, stretching my legs out in front of me.

"How did you find me?" I heard her ask. I looked at her and saw her eyes were red, probably from crying. She was once again fiddling with that ring on her finger.

"Conrad told me where you were."

"He knows me to well, but I'm glad you found me. I wanted to apologise for earlier, I guess Conrad told you about my outbursts. I don't mean the things I say, they just come out when I feel that way," she explained, then she looked down, her hair hiding her face.

I leaned towards her and lifted her chin up and in my direction to make her look at me. I used the same hand to tuck a strand of hair behind her ear.

I cupped her cheek as I said, "I know you didn't mean them. Today was horrible, innocent lives were lost today. You have a right to be upset."

She leaned into my touch and I saw a tear roll down her cheek. She said, "I feel responsible for those lives. This was my fault, if only I killed Ryker all those years ago. We wouldn't be dealing with the consequences today. Now I hear there's an army coming..."

She paused looking deep into my eyes. "What am I going to do, Matthew?"

"Whatever you're going to do, just know I'll stand by your side. Always and forever."

After I said that I felt Alexandra's arms wrap around my neck pulling me into a hug. Then she whispered softly, "I love you."

I smiled as I placed my hands around her waist pulling her closer to me, telling her the same thing. She pulled back slightly then put her lips on mine in a soft, but passionate kiss.

After the kiss she asked, "So, I'm forgiven?"

"You're still five kisses away from forgiveness, Storm."

She smirked and replied, "Well then, Hunter,  I better get started."

♤♤♤

Hey guys, I've got some bad news. So Cruel, yet so Beautiful unfortunately didn't make the cut for the final voting of the wattys2019. I was quite upset that's why I didn't update, but I promise that updates will be following the regular schedule from now on (I don't make any promises)

Anyway, I hope you liked the chapter please vote, comment and share.

Love you guys♡
Thea