(this is kinda a long one...)
Feeling Better?-
My throat feels a lot better, but it's not 100% yet. I don't wanna make it worse in any way so I haven't been singing. But I do need to practice for the fair... I hope it's normal soon.
New Cuts-
But I hardly bled. I'm very upset. I wasn't even gonna cut until I weighed myself. I can't believe I did this to myself. I weigh 181lbs. I'm so disgusted in myself. My dance classes start up next week and now I have to lose AT LEAST 81 lbs. I just can't believe I did that to myself.
Eating Disorders-
Last year I made a promise to myself. That promise was,
"When you go back to school, you will lose weight. You will eat a small breakfast (since mom will force you to) and throw it up when you get to school. You will either buy lunch and not eat it or pack a lunch and not eat it. You will eat a smaller dinner than you usually would and you will exercise. Whether that exercise be dance, waking or something else, you will do it before you shower. You will not snack anymore. Fail to do any of these and you will cut open your first scars since that is most painful."
I cannot fail this year. I've been the fat kid for too long. I can't go to dance looking like this anymore. I can't go to school looking like this anymore. I can't live in this world looking like this anymore. I must fix this issue as soon as possible. I am hoping that I don't fail this time.
QOTD-
Is there anything you changed about yourself that you wish you hadn't?
My answer-
I guess my personality. I've been changing it depending on the group of people I'm with and I wish I hadn't done that. I've made toxic friends and ended in bad situations because of it.
YOU ARE READING
my journal.
Non-Fictionjournal. a place for your thoughts, memories, stories and journeys. everyone has their story, i chose to publicly tell mine. i know some people at my school like to read my stories (that have been taken down as of 2/13/20) which i don't mind...b...
