Sleepyhead Met The Sleepless [ UNDER MILD REVISION ]

C H A P T E R 0 9

CHAPTER 09: I HATE YOU, I LOVE YOU.

A T A S H A

Agad tumambad sa harap ko ang inaasahan. As what I'm expecting nasa sala sina mommy, dalawa kong kuya at dalawa kong kaibigan. Halo-halo ang tingin na binibigay sa'kin. They look relieved that I'm home na and at the same time gusto ako kwestyunin kung bakit minadaling araw na. Nagpapakiramdaman sila kung sino ang unang magbabato ng tanong sa'kin.

Pinaghandaan ko na 'to pero iba pa rin talaga 'pag nasa harap mo na. Nasa pinakagitna naka upo si mommy at matalim ang mata sa'kin. Gusto ko man magulat pero masyado na akong antok. Gusto ko ng pumikit. Kahit kakagising ko lang, ang mga nangyari kanina felt like months dahil may nalampasan akong isang pagsubok. Ganunpaman the most precious thing happened. Magkaibigan na kami ni Naizer.

"Where have you been?" mahinahon pero madiin na tanong ni mommy.

Mom signed the four of them to leave kaya agad naglaho ang dalawa kong kuya at kaibigan bago lumapit sakin si mommy. Not now, please, I'm sleepy.

"School." bagot kong tugon dahil iyon naman talaga ang totoo.

"School at 12:00 AM? You're so dumb at making excuses." sabi nya at sarkastikong natawa.

That dumb word took all my energy left. Akala ko imposible pero natanggal non ang nag uumapaw na saya ko kanina. So cruel. That ruined me and my mood.

"Hindi porque pinalayas kita sa puder ng mga kuya mo that doesn't mean a whole freedom. I want you to learn handling things on your own and be independent pero hindi ibig sabihin nun hahayaan kita abusuhin ang pagiging malaya mo." pagak akong natawa.

Mom, what do you mean? I'm never and would never be free. I'll never feel the freedom that you're talking about. I'm a prisoner of my own disorder. Wala akong inaabuso. I'm the abused here fore being locked up in an incurable disorder.

Napayuko ako at malamig na tumingin sa lapag.

Does she really think that I'm outside at this hour by choice? Who would have the guts ba maglakwatsa or magbabad sa labas if you have threat anytime na atakihin ng antok?

"I'm telling the truth. Sa school ako galing. Why, mom? You're right there when I had my sleep attack and that didn't even concerned you! You didn't check up on me kaya gan'tong oras na ako nakauwi." habol ang hininga pagkatapos ko 'yun sabihin and I saw how her eyes raged. "I'm sorry, genuinely nawala kasi sa loob ko na may maghahanap po pala sa'kin . Why are you even here, mom? Don't pretend na nag-aalala ka if you do so hindi mo sana ako pinalayas. You disregarded me as your daughter so let me ignore your so called mom duties—" right before I could finish nakatanggap na ako ng malakas na sampal.

Sa sobrang lakas pakiramdam ko ay nabingi ko. That felt like 180 degrees.

Buong akala ko ay matalim na mata ni mommy ang sasalubong sa'kin pag nag angat ako ng tingin, but its the opposite. I saw how her eyes weakened. She have teary eyes I can see it clearly 'cause we both have crystal clear pupils. O baka naman namamalikta lang ako sa antok. I can never be the reason of her tears. Galit at disappointment most probably. Always.

"Anastacia." nag angat ako ng tingin upon hearing her fragile japanese accent. "No matter how dissapointed I am to your mere existence, no amount of harsh word can cut the bloodline we share. Under any type of weather and circumstances I'm still your mother and you are my daughter." her voice stuttered word by word but they're clear to me.