Getting to know you

Calming down: Jason

Dick often spent his time with a family member. After Markus, he didn't feel comfortable alone. He always looked over his shoulder, waiting to hear for a dart that would paralyze him. He didn't realize he was doing it until someone pointed it out.

"Why do you keep doing that?" Jason asked one day in the cave. "Doing what?" "You keep looking over your shoulder, as if something bad is going to happen." "I honestly didn't realize I was doing it."

Dick sat down on one of the benches and sighed. "You're still scared, aren't you?" Jason asked. "He managed to grab me in a safe location. No matter how much I want to, I just can't relax. I'm still on alert. I don't know what this guy did to me exactly, but it shook me up. I don't want to get hurt again."

Jason sighed and pulled Dick into a hug. "He's not going to hurt you anymore. He's in jail, and he's not getting out." "Since when have jails ever been able to hold a millionaire? He'll bail out before the week is over." Dick grabbed his arms.

"Dick, I don't know what you went through. Hell, none of us do. But trust me, I know what it's like to be the victim. To be scared of someone so badly you're almost paranoid. Trust me when I say that unless you fight it, it starts to control you."

Dick stared at Jason. "Who?" "Joker. The wacko beat me and killed me once. Ra's resurrected me." Dick looked down. "You know what he's like, though. You know that you can kick his ass any day of the week. If I lay a hand on Markus, whether as Dick Grayson or Nightwing, everyone will be on me about it."

Jason sat down next to Dick. "It'll be ok. I'm not going to let him hurt you." "You can't make that promise, Jay. You'll just get hurt." "It's better than you getting hurt. You've been hurt so much since you came here. I don't want you to get hurt anymore." "I've gotten hurt? Jay, you've died!" "And I don't want the same thing to happen to you!"

Jason grabbed Dick's wrists, making him gasp. Jason noticed the look of fear on Dick's face, and loosened his grip slightly "You're my baby brother, Dick. I know you're older, but I can't stand to see you hurt." "Hey, you can't blame yourself." "I was supposed to protect you, Dick. And I didn't." "So? Look at me. I'm ok now. I'm not hurt anymore."

"Then why can't you get that into your own head? Why am I freaking out on you?" "I-I don't know. It might be because I'm a Talon, it might be because I'm just scared, Jason. I'm scared, and I don't want to be, but I am. It's ok to be scared." "But when it's affecting you this badly? I know you don't sleep, Dick. The nightmares wake you up. You don't eat a lot, and if you have to you make yourself throw up. You look at your knife, and I know you're thinking you can just end the pain."

Dick looked away. "It's more complicated than that." "Then explain to me! Explain why the hell you're doing these things to yourself." Jason grabbed Dick's shoulders. Dick started shaking, tears leaking from his eyes.

"It's what the Court did to me. Any time we failed, or got captured, we were punished. We would be starved, and we would be hurt. It's been engraved in our brains to do it to ourselves if no one else does. Until my punishment period is over, I can't stop myself from doing it. I can't stop looking at my knife, I can't stop throwing up, I can't go to sleep. I just can't, Jay." Dick sobbed, dropping his head.

Jason pulled Dick into a hug. "Don't say that, Dick. You can fight this. I know you can." "No, I can't. No matter how much I want to, no matter how much I try, I always fail. I couldn't fight against Markus, I couldn't fight against the men responsible for the crash, I couldn't fight against the Court taking me. I couldn't fight gravity, when it took my parents. I couldn't fight Zucco, when he threatened my Mami and Tati. I couldn't fight against any of it, and I can't fight against this."

"Then I'll say this: your punishment period is over. You don't have to hurt yourself anymore. You don't have to not eat, you don't have to not sure, you don't have to look at your knife as an escape from the pain. It's over, and it's never going to come back again."

"It doesn't work that way. Until the Master says it's over, it's not over." "Then let's find him, and beat it out of him." "He's dead. He's been dead for three years." "Dick." "Don't you get it, Jason? I can't win this one. It's going to take over me. There's no way for me to win."

Jason cupped one side of Dick's face. "You can't say that, Dick." "What, would you have me lie? To tell you everything is ok, even while I'm slowly dying inside, because my one chance at living is gone? Because the second I get a family they're ripped away from me? Because everything seems to hate my guts? Would you want that?!" Dick leapt up, screaming at Jason. At the world. At everything that hurt him.

Jason stood up, hands out in front of him. "I'm not asking you to lie and say that. I'm asking you to believe it. You're stronger than you think, Dick. I've seen it. How many criminals have you beaten? How many times have you done things I've only dreamed of doing? How many times have you shown us all up, and the only thing we can do is watched with our mouths open? You're ok, Dick. Because if you can do that, and make Bruce stand dumbfounded? You're more than ok."

Dick just stood in silence. Jason could see Dick shaking, but in sorrow or hatred he couldn't tell. He slowly stepped forward, getting closer to the ex-Talon. "C'mon. Let's get you to bed, ok? I'll stay with you. You can sleep, and we'll get you some food when you wake up."

Dick didn't move. Jason put a hand on Dick's shoulder. "Please, Dick. I know you're not ok. I want to help you be ok." "I don't deserve this." "Of course you do, Dick. You can't change your past, but you can change your future. Your future, in my eyes? Is still here with this family. So please. Let me help you."

Dick finally relented and allowed Jason to lead him to his room. He was a mix of emotions right now, and he didn't know how to deal with it. He was supposed to keep them somewhat under control. He was supposed to know what to do.

Jason sat Dick on the bed. "I don't want you to lie. I don't want you to think you don't deserve anything. I want you to believe you're ok. I don't want you to keep looking over your shoulder in fear of some punk who's never going to hurt you again. I want you to be Dick Grayson. The Dick Grayson I know. And he's not a Talon. He won't do anything the Court tells him too, because he's that damn stubborn. I want that Dick Grayson. And I know he's in there, hiding away. So, tell him to get his ass out here, and kick the butt of this punishment period."

Dick looked up slowly. Jason could see a brokenness he didn't normally see in Dick's eyes. Markus had done a lot on Dick, and his past with the Court wasn't helping. "Trust me. It's going to be ok."

Dick sighed and dropped his head again. He didn't know what was happening to him. He was usually in more control than this. Why was he freaking out? It wasn't normal.

"Get some sleep, ok? You start having a nightmare, and I'll wake you up." Jason whispered, putting a little pressure on Dick's shoulder. Dick laid down and sighed again. Jason pulled a blanket up to Dick's shoulders. "Sweet dreams, Dickie."