enigmatic

my sun has gone

i look out my window with a lonesome gaze,
watching as the snow falls in thick bundles,
and i think that i can see your face
amidst the cold,
your body freezing over -
an imitation of my soul.
and from the frigid depths of the cage that holds my heart,
i think I can feel it beat,
hum to life at the thought of being reunited with its partner.
but dreams are glass
and in an instant, it's shattered.
shards of promise and wishful thinking litter the floor and im leaking.
my eyes are a broken home, the warmth of brown dilutes out in unsteady streams,
they run through the cracks in the floor and travel
to you
they fade to ice and
im so close yet so far at the same time.
i am helpless,
my knees bleed as I fall to the glass -
the only chance of sun i had is gone.
the wind comes and you drift further and further away from me with each gust.
the snow flies harder,
blocks the window of my being and
freezes my hands one last time.
i never let the storm in,
but i can't seem to find a reason not to open every door and every window.
outside rushes in and i let it take me.
i allow myself to go limp,
and i fall again,
staining the purest white, red.
i have never loved red, but in this moment -
i have never felt more welcoming to it.
i let it become me.
i no longer fight what i desperately try to.
beside me, i feel you
lay down,
the strum of your heart ricochets through my hollow vessel so beautifully,
the sound of it lulls me.
i feel your eyes rest on me
and somewhere in the distance,
i can see the sun.
i reach out to touch you
for the last time,
but you're nowhere.
rain replaces sun, just as it always did.
it washes away my tears and melts me to a ghost.
i feel nothing as i sleep, allowing the rain to fill all the
empty parts of me that i never could.
and with one final breath,
i dissipate into a wish that i see the sun once again.