people say they feel numb, but numb is
not a feeling, numb is the absence
of feeling. and I have convinced myself
that feeling sad is forever better than
feeling nothing. and I know
what nothing feels like, I
am
nothing. I wake up to nothing, talk
about nothing, occupy nothing, and go
to sleep to the thought that this has to
be worse than something. but that unknown
something terrifies me because it means
filling my nothing. some people have tried
to fill my nothing before, but my void is
far too vast and they're all lost,
I've made them as empty as I
and they disintegrate into my horrid nothingness.
it hurts me to see just how destructive my
being really is. I turn beauty into vile
vessels much like my own. please you
must go, you're too perfect -
too beautiful for this world and I can
destroy you - I know I already do.
my emptiness, my thoughts
will swallow you, wreck you,
you need to get away while you still
can please get away
I'm going to hurt you.
I am mere thorn and your rose is on an
unsteady stem.
hurry, please, get away.
Wind blows and I watch, helpless to my
own destructiveness as you fall,
land in my never-ending universe that
consists of eternal nothing.
But then you start to grow.
thriving, expanding, and I
scream in horror as you reach every corner,
filling in every gap, unburying old secrets
I've made to seem as nothing.
and I want to save you, but you're
saving me and it's a
distant feeling I think I can almost remember.
the feeling of care, of love
and how it moulds, even
I'm the darkest depths of all that I thought I was not.
I begin to imagine
myself being something, and it's
not so scary now.maybe nothing and something we're always meant to
coexist.
YOU ARE READING
enigmatic
Poetryen·ig·mat·ic /ˌenəɡˈmadik/ adjective difficult to interpret or understand; mysterious. Just a collection of my shitty writing I like to call poetry. How unfortunate. (I am also rather edgy and depressed here so tw for some people but I promise I'm a...