the book shop > j.l < MID EDIT

EIGHTY SEVEN

john

"i cant believe how well it went!" penelope exclaimed again from the passenger seat.

"pen, i'm so so fucking proud of you baby!!" he exclaimed back patting her knee. she grinned toothily taking his hand in hers, forgetting for a moment everything they would have to talk about.

the moment was short lived though as penelope lay her head onto the back of the seat and faced john playing with his fingers.

she bit her lip before saying, "we still need to talk johnny."

he smiled a small smile and nodded, "i know."

she sighed looking out the window, "why don't you need me anymore?" she asked stroking the back of his hand.

john sucked in a deep breath at her thoughts of what he was going though, "i still need you pen," he replied.

"really?" she asked turning her head back to him, john pulled into their street, her body turned onto her side, "i don't think you do."

he pulled onto their drive and turned to face her as well, their eyes immediately connected and johns heart broke inside his chest as he noticed that her eyes were glazed over and wide as they searched his face.

"calebs staying in a hotel tonight, he didn't want to intrude on whatever's happening between us," she informed him quietly.

he nodded and looked to their intertwined hands then out the front window, "i didn't realise how badly i was hurting you penelope," he started, "and i didn't mean it, i don't ever want to be the reason for your pain."

"well then, why?" her voice cracked.

he was so ashamed of himself he looked to the ground, "ive been so selfish pen, but i don't know how to cope anymore," a bile rose in his throat, "i feel so empty and - and so, so broken. it's like all these things happened to me and the pain doesn't get better it just piles on and-and," his voice broke and his eyes betrayed him leaking rapidly. penelope slid across the bench seat crossing her legs to sit properly on her side facing him, she held his hand tightly with both of her hands comforting him. she hated seeing him like this.

he shook his head wiping his eyes, "i've never had to think of anyone else is these types of situations - you care so much about me and i just ruin it all - all the time," he faced her and shook her hands off his and cupped her cheeks. he took this moment to look at her face, her eyes with brimmed to the top with tears and her bottom lip shook, "please don't cry," he whispered.

the tears left her eyes anyway, "you can talk to me about anything," she said back, "i should be better, you should feel like you can let me in," she blamed herself whilst holding onto the collar of his shirt scrunching it between her fingers.

he shook his head furiously, "no!" he exclaimed, "no no no!" he wiped her cheeks, "you are perfect, don't you get that? you're the most amazing person i will ever meet penelope. i'm not going to lie to you and say that if you weren't here i'd be okay because if you weren't with me i don't think i'd of even made it this far."

she cried a little more at that statement, "so, why do you keep leaving me?" she asked softly, she sounded so broken, "why are you doing this to me johnny? i want to help you and i want you to be able talk to me, but it doesn't feel like you want me anymore - or love me."

the words completely crushed john, his heart dropped at the fact he'd made her feel like that. he moved his one hand to the back of her neck gently and his other one slid down her arm taking her hand in his, he pecked her hand - tasting the salty liquid seeping from his eyes.

"i love you penelope, god i love you more than anything else in this world," he moved her hand to rest just on top of his thigh, "and how much i want you," he closed his eyes, "fuck penelope, touching you and feeling you again? i don't want anything else but that baby," he whispered finally opening his eyes, "but i feel so guilty. i don't ever want to make you hurt, i don't want to make you so sad that your bottom lip shakes and your eyes water but that's all i've done for the past few weeks and i'm so sorry."

penelope leaped over to him wrapping her arms around his neck and he immediately responded wrapping his arms around her waist pulling her onto his lap so she was straddling him. he couldn't hold onto her tighter.

"please forgive me," he said into her shoulder.

he felt her nod on his shoulder before she pulled back looking into his eyes, she pushed some of his hair out of his eyes, "please just talk to me," she said, "don't do that to me again please," she let one more tear fall before he quickly wiped it with his thumb.

"i won't, i promise, i love you."

penelope finally smiled, truly for the first time in her relationship in weeks, she leaned forward nudging his nose with hers as she caressed his jaw with her fingertips, "i love you too."

he moved his hand from her waist up to the side of her neck pulling her close to connect their lips. it was an amazing release for the both of them, they completely lost themselves in the kiss, johns arms stayed on her neck and around her waist whilst penelopes hands tangled through his hair. she pushed their bodies as close as possible wanting to completely let him absorb her. she felt so protected by his big arms wrapped around her - stable again. penelope pulled back breathing heavily and dropped her head onto his shoulder.

"fuck i've missed you penelope," john whispered in her ear.

"i missed you too," she replied pecking his shoulder.

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an/short n sweet x