LIFE HAPPENS WHEN YOUR MAKING PLANS

FILLING IN THE GAPS OF THAT MISSING YEAR

After the twins ate, they fell back to sleep. Sanem decided to complete some wifely and motherly duties. She straightened up the house and started some laundry. Can was laying on the floor in the living area coloring with his oldest daughter, Deniz. Sanem heard them talking and laughing. Deniz started giggling loudly, so Sanem peeked around the corner to see what was so funny. Can was blowing raspberries on her belly. He used to do this when she was a baby. Deniz was trying to tickle her daddy under his chin. Sanem loved watching them play together. For a man who grew up lonely, with no mother around and a father who threw himself into his work, Can ended up being an awesome father. He thanked Sanem almost daily for making his life complete. He always thought he just needed Sanem in his life...to love him, comfort him and make him whole. That is until she gave birth to his first child. He never thought he could love or need anyone except Sanem. He was wrong...so wrong. Then she got pregnant again with their twins and his love spread to them as well. He knew he would never walk away from his children or Sanem, like his mother did to him. He was here forever. He no longer felt the need to travel. He finally felt at home with his wife and children.

Sanem continued with her cleaning. She looked up from putting another load in the washer and saw Can standing there staring at her. She smiled and asked what he was staring at. With a smile, he walked into the room and hugged her from behind. He said I am looking at the most amazing woman I have ever seen. He buried his head in her neck and inhaled her fragrance. He asked her if she would tell him about what happened to her in the year he was gone. Sanem just looked at him. She asked if he really wanted to know. Can nodded. Sanem said OK, but when Deniz goes down for her afternoon nap. Can said alright.

After Deniz went down for her nap, Can and Sanem sat in the living area. Sanem told him she didn't know where to begin, so she would start when he left the hospital. She told him she was hurt, confused and scared when they were talking in the corridor outside Yigit's hospital room. She told him he held out his hand to her because he was ready to leave the hospital. She told Can she refused to take his hand and leave the hospital with him. It was the first time she had ever refused to take his hand. She could not get over the fact that he pushed Yigit which caused his accident. She told Can he told her his was leaving and said good-bye. Sanem said she had no idea he meant he was leaving for good. She thought he went home. After 10 minutes had passed, she admitted to calling his cell phone to apologize. His cell phone went straight to voice mail. He had turned it off. Sanem told him she was planning on visiting him the next morning to apologize face to face.

The next morning, she went to Can's house. She told him his truck was gone and he was not in the house. She tried again to reach him on his cell phone, but once again it went to voice mail. She admitted to Can she tried every day for about 3 months then gave up hope. She told him she cried every day. She refused to eat. She stopped bathing. She basically refused to leave her bed. When she did sleep she had paralyzing nightmares and would wake up screaming. It got to the point that she didn't want to live anymore. She told Can if she couldn't be with him here on earth, then she would meet him in the afterlife. She was determined to wait for him in the afterlife, no matter how long it took. Her parents realized what she was planning, so they had everyone watching her like a hawk. Emre walked in the house one day when I was eating some pain medication that her family forgot to hide. Emre wrestled me to the ground and wrapped his arms and legs around me. I was fighting him, thrashing about, and screaming at the top of my lungs. I told Emre I wanted to die. Life wasn't worth living anymore. My parents came home and found Emre restraining me in his arms with tears falling down his face. Her parents had her committed to the mental hospital. She spent 6 months of her life there. They fed her head, heart and soul medication to help her forget her love for Can.

Sanem stopped and looked over at Can. He had silent tears running down his face. Sanem asked him if he wanted her to stop. Can said no, please continue. He did grab her hand and held on for dear life. This was ripping his insides to shreds just listening to the horror she went through in the year he was gone. Sanem continued with her story. She said she was in therapy every day while hospitalized. When she first started therapy, Can was all she talked about. Eventually, she stopped mentioning his name at all. She did what the hospital expected of her. She acted like she was over him, just so she could get released. Sanem said she met Mihriban while in the hospital. She was a volunteer there. They grew close. Upon her release, Sanem knew she would not be able to go back home. There were too many memories of him there. She saw him everywhere. Mihriban offered her a home, a safe haven, on her property. Sanem took her up on it. So when Sanem got released, she moved into the house on Mihriban's property. Yigit helped Sanem finish her book and then he published it. Her book became a best seller. Sanem told Can she refused to travel outside of Istanbul to promote it. Can had always promised her they would travel the world together. She did not want to travel the world with anyone else but him.

Sanem continued living her life day by day. She continued outpatient therapy and took her medications every day. Leyla was afraid she would relapse and overdose on her medications. So, Leyla put a day's worth of meds in a glass bottle with a lid. It was all Leyla permitted her to have in her possession. So, Sanem got in the habit of taking her meds then writing a wish on piece of paper. She put her wish in the bottle, put the cap back on and threw it into the sea. Can asked what she wished for. Sanem laughed and said she wished for lots of things. She wished he would come back to her. She wished he was safe and happy. She wished he was still thinking of her. She wished she could see him again, if only for one minute. She told him all of her wishes were about him. Can smiled a sad smile at her.

She told him she pretty much stayed numb and avoided people, except for her close friends. She would not leave the farm even to go to the store. Someone always ran her errands for her. She felt safe and secure in her home and therefore, refused to leave it. She had continued living this way, until Can returned to Istanbul. She admitted when she saw him that first time on the pier, she thought she was hallucinating again. She saw him every day in her thoughts...her dreams...her hallucinations. She really did think it was her imagination, until he said her name three times. When she turned around that day, she was in shock. She felt relief that he was finally home. She felt anger for the way he left her. She felt sadness for all that they had lost. She felt complete because once again he was standing in front of her.

Sanem stopped again and looked over at Can. He was staring at her with tears in his eyes. He said he never knew it was that bad for her after he left. Sanem grabbed his hands and told him it was over now. It made her stronger. She admitted it was tough at first. She seemed to forget how to breathe once he left. She suffered panic attacks that would leave her unable to move at times. She looked at her husband. She told he couldn't blame himself for what happened. She pushed him to that point when she refused his hand that day at the hospital. She made him feel like she no longer trusted him and was afraid of him. Can told her he should have stayed. He should have stayed and fought harder for their love. Sanem kissed him and told him he was here now. They were finally married and had the family they dreamed about. They held each other for a long time before Sanem lifted her head and asked him will you tell me about your year away from me?