Do you ever just hate the way you felt about someone at one time? The need to impress them? It's like starting your first day of school: you do your hair, parade in your new clothes you bought during the summer, show off your new bod and fresh kicks, and flaunt your evolved attitude. Impress. Impress. Impress. You want them to want you. To woo your crush.
And then time passes, and they upset you. you realize what a jerk they are, but you're plagued with memories of the way you used to feel and the way you acted. It replays and replays. It isn't a good replay either. It isn't like watching an orange sunset with a group of friends, mesmerized by the view. Or a good ol' episode of Friends. It's more like being a young child, naïve and fresh, and experiencing your very first thunderstorm; the thunder cracking loudly, and the lightning flashing. You shudder and squirm, but you can't look away. How can something be so enticing yet so scary all at once? How can something like that make you want to stay and leave all in one?
That's what those memories feel like. They aren't beautiful, but they're captivating, and you can't help but wonder: how the fuck could I be so fucking stupid?
Just young and dumb, is not a reliable excuse anymore.
