for your eyes only

T W E N T Y - S E V E N

[ A/N : O.M.G.! Look who updated! It has been months! Sorry for the spontaneous break I took but it was much needed! My life was all over the place and...well, lets not dive in too deep. Enjoy! ]

Zayn travels alone, in the end. He informs Ms Grace, who lets him go, readily, and telling him to take care of himself. He nods, though he doesn't know how to do that anymore. His friends — yes, he has decided to call them that — had been shocked but really understanding. So, that was kind of a relief.

The whole journey, he has slept or cried, or remembered his beautiful sister and how wonderful she was. Was.

Finally, finally, he reaches Bradford, and hauls a cab to Alec's house; doesn't trust himself to walk any further.

"Hello? Zayn? Did you reach safely? Have you eaten? Have you properly hydrated yourself?"

That's Harry. Beautiful and sweet Harry, whom Zayn had called as soon as he settled himself in the seat if the cab; completely drained.

"Yes, yes and yes. I have, Harry." Zayn says.

"I wish I was there with you." Harry's voice dips down so low, it's almost hard to hear him. Almost.

"Me too." Zayn says, and then closes his eyes because yes, he does. He does wish Harry was with him. They had spent the days in London, entangled and completely enraptured by each other that Zayn misses Harry more than anything; and the grief of him not being near him was there too. In a way smaller proportion than the grief of the loss of his sister, but it was there.

"Take care, Zayn." Harry says, sounding like he is on the verge of crying himself "It doesn't matter if I am not there with you. Because I always will be. Here. In London. Just call me anytime."

Zayn cries too, "I know."

"We are here, kid." The cab driver says.

"Okay," Zayn says, and then speaks into the phone "Call you later, Harry?"

"Okay."

Zayn hangs up, and pays the cab driver. "You okay, son?" the driver asks him, genuine concern ringing in his voice. Zayn's eyes well up with tears at being called 'son', something which he has not been called for years.

"I am okay. Thank you." Zayn says, giving him a watery and touched smile. The driver smiles too, and drives off, leaving Zayn in front of Alec's house.

Alec is waiting for him at the threshold, and so is his older brothers, Aiden and Ashton, and his younger sister, Aerith. None of them utter a word, but their eyes speak a lot more.

Alec doesn't ask him whether he is okay, and neither does Zayn. They just simply go to the room Zayn is supposed to be staying at, Claire at the top of their minds but not on the tip of their tongues.

***

The night is cold, but Zayn only feels numb. Even the cigarette in his hands doesn't take his mind off of his sister. Claire. Dead.

Why does he —

"I can't believe she is dead." Alec takes a seat beside Zayn, their legs dangling off the window sill.

"I can't believe I wasn't there to protect her." Zayn laughs, a crooked and miserable laugh and Alec visibly flinches "I promised her I always will. But I failed. I was in London living my dream! How selfish is that?!"

Why does he feel —

"Don't say that!" Alec immediately says "It wasn't selfish! You think I don't blame myself? And you couldn't have prevented it, Zayn. None of us could have. Never, and I mean, never blame yourself."

Zayn shrugs, and offer his cigarette to Alec, who just scrunches his nose in disgust "I think I will pass."

They sit in silence for some time; Zayn smoking and Alec watching the grey wisps escape into the starry night. Zayn leans back heavier into the window sill, eyes burning, and he doesn't know whether it was because of the smoke, or the tears he has thought had dried. His mind is all over the place.

Why does he feel so alone?