𝐇𝐈𝐒 𝐀𝐍𝐆𝐄𝐋 𝐎𝐅 𝐃𝐄𝐀𝐓𝐇 || 𝐒𝐚𝐦 𝐖𝐢𝐧𝐜𝐡𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫

Chapter 15 ~ We Shouldn't...

Note: Really loved writing this chapter for obvious reasons - hope everyone enjoys the surprise at the end cause I know I did haha ;) I hope y'all like it! ^_^

Episode: Season 11 - The Devil in the Details Pt. 4

We all headed back to the Impala after that, Sam and I trudging over to the car as Dean said goodbye to Cas. Silence spanned between us and I could feel the awkward tension in the air, making me cringe. This was not how I imagined the next time I was alone with Sam to be like - not this, not after breaking him out of Hell.

"Car, can we talk?" he asked suddenly, his hazel gaze catching mine as he turned to face me.

His large hand rested on the roof of the Impala as he towered over my much smaller frame, making it impossible for me to avoid this situation. I sighed lightly, nodding in response to his question.

"Look, about the kiss-" he started to say but immediately, I shook my head, strands of dark hair falling across my shoulders.

"No. No, I can't do this, Sam-" I said, cutting him off as I began to push past him.

But he was too fast, gripping my wrist to pull me back to him - not roughly but with enough force to leave me rooted in place. His eyes bored into mine with enough intensity to make me shiver, so close to me that I could feel his warm breath fan my skin.

"We need to talk about this," he said, his voice husky in the quiet surrounding us.

"Why? It was a kiss, it was nothing," I snapped, suddenly feeling defensive as I felt my walls go up.

"You can't just..." he sighed, shaking his head in exasperation as if he'd thought this over a million times in his head since it happened and truth be told, he probably had, "You can't just kiss me like that and act like it didn't mean anything. You felt something too and you know it,"

I bit my lip hard, tasting the copper tang of blood on my tongue but I swallowed it down as I gazed up at Sam, "It doesn't matter what I did or didn't feel - I'm a Reaper, this can never work,"

"So?" he scoffed, eyebrows furrowing in clear confusion.

"So, I'm not human, Sam!" I shouted, letting it all out as tears pricked my eyes, "I'm not human and you are! I live forever and you only live once, this-this... Sammy, it won't work. It defies every law, it goes against everything that you and your brother stand for!"

Sam's own eyes shined in the darkness, his expression unreadable as he watched me, "This isn't about that - you know my past. Billie's told you all the details about the Winchesters before you even took this job. So you know that I don't care about that..."

He trailed off then, shaking his head as he turned away slightly.

Sam was silent for a moment, his head down before glancing back up at me, his voice soft and quiet, "Why won't you just let me care about you, Carter? Why?"

With those words, I felt the repercussions of a crack in the walls around my heart and the familiar sting in my eyes that I had fought so hard not to experience again in this lifetime.

"I tasted love once, Sam...just once. And it left a bitter aftertaste in my mouth, one I haven't been able to spit it out. And..." I swallowed then, the tears in my eyes slowly beginning to trickle down the corners as the painful memory flashed through my brain like fireworks, "that's not fair to you. So I...I can't do this. I'm sorry,"

I tried to pull away from his grip then, the words like poison - even to my own ears. But Sam spun me back around and before I even had the chance to protest, his mouth was against mine - warm, soft, and inviting. His lips tasted like honey, velvet rose petals crushed to my mouth.

My first instinct, as always, was to push him away...but I clung to him in that moment, fighting the urge to put my walls back up as my hands found their way to his neck, the skin there warm underneath my fingertips. I felt an overwhelming emotion hit me all at once as he deepened the kiss then and I gasped, our tongues fighting for dominance. Sam pushed me against the car then, his body flush against mine as I grabbed fistfuls of his long brown hair, fingers weaving through the soft strands.

Because as much as I hated to admit it, as much as it went against every rule I'd ever created for myself in my life as a Reaper...

...every fiber of my being, every atom, every cell in my body...was in love with Sam Winchester.