𝐇𝐈𝐒 𝐀𝐍𝐆𝐄𝐋 𝐎𝐅 𝐃𝐄𝐀𝐓𝐇 || 𝐒𝐚𝐦 𝐖𝐢𝐧𝐜𝐡𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫

Chapter 30 ~ Take Me Back to the Start

Note: Ohmigosh, I was all in my feels writing this one! :O But I hope y'all like it! lol Also, the song at the top is to play later in the chapter if you want to listen whilst reading :)

Episode: Season 11 - Alpha and Omega Pt. 4

The rest of us headed to an old bar after that, waiting it all out. But it was quiet - no one really knew what to say. What could you say at a time like this? The world was about to end and...and Dean with it. Looking over my shoulder at Sam's towering form in the doorway blocking out the bit of light slicing into the darkened bar, I could tell he felt it, too.

Following along after the others, I sat down at a table with Rowena next to me. It was better than sitting alone and besides, she was good company when she wanted to be. I sighed before pouring myself a shot of whiskey, downing it one gulp.

"Might want to go easy there, darling," Rowena piped up from beside me, her thick Scottish accent clinging to the words like honey, "Least keep yourself a wee bit sober if the world doesn't end today,"

With that, she managed to get the cup from my hands and I rolled my eyes, not fighting her on it.

I let out a sigh, shaking my head, "I just..."

"You just what?" she asked softly, her voice sincere.

"I just feel so-so...so useless. Like nothing I do can help them," I admitted, pushing a strand of dark hair behind my ear.

"But dear, you are helpin' 'em," she pointed out and I frowned, facing her as she went on, "By being here. By staying by his side. After this? After this, he's not gonna have anyone. His brother was his whole world... He's gonna need you to help me through this and that, Carter, that is what counts,"

I puffed out another sigh as suddenly, the radio overhead crackled to life and began to play the starting notes of a Coldplay song.

"You really think so?" I asked her quietly, my eyes glazing over a fraction as her words hit home.

She nodded matter-of-factly, locks of ginger fanning across her shoulders as she poured herself a shot courtesy of my glass, "I know so, dear."

Twisting in my seat, I let my dark brown eyes wander over to where Sam sat talking to Chuck, checking on his well-being.

"Come up to meet you, tell you I'm sorry. You don't know how lovely you are..." Coldplay sang, static diffusing with the lyrics through the speakers.

I smiled. Ever my caring boy, my gentle soul. I was really blessed the day he came into my life. No one had ever really took the chance to know me like he did. And he'd never know just how much that had meant... I bit my lip then, my mind going back to that very first day. And it all came back in flashes...

"I had to find you, tell you I need you, tell you I set you apart..." the song went on as I got lost in my own memories.

He was taller than the other guy, his hair hung in shaggy brown strands that framed his face perfectly, making the hazel of his eyes even lighter if possible. He was dressed similar to his shorter counterpart but there was something about him that was...different. I couldn't quite put my finger on it...

"Tell me your secrets and ask me your questions, oh, let's go back to the start..." the song continued, shaking me from my thoughts.

He had been so insistent on knowing me, friending me, loving me that...that I had barely noticed when it happened - when I had truly fallen in love with him. But maybe I'd always known - right from the start.

I guess that's the moment that it hit me. The moment I knew exactly what had to be done. And the smile that had lingered on my face, from just the mere remembrance of our shared memories, faltered. Because as I watched my Sammy, my dear sweet boy, deep down in my heart...I knew what I had to do.

Striding over to Crowley, it didn't take long for him to agree to my idea - only because I was so persistent and...and he knew too that it had to happen. No matter what the outcome of it would be. As he sat up straighter in his chair, about to press his fingers together to snap me out of there, I couldn't help but let my gaze wander one last time to Sam. He had his back turned, dark chocolate strands of shaggy hair falling against the nape of his neck. Even from this angle, he was so...so beautiful it made an ache form in my chest.

"Nobody said it was easy, it's such a shame for us to part..."

Hot tears filled my eyes, a sob welling up in my chest, making it feel like I couldn't breathe. I loved him. With all I ever was or had been.

"Nobody said it was easy, no one ever said it would be this hard..."

And for the rest of my life, I hoped he would remember that. It was the last thought I had, last glance of the man I loved before one snap of Crowley's fingers and I had disappeared from the bar...leaving Sam alone. Utterly and truly alone.

"Oh, take me back to the start..."