Free Fall

Chapter Fifteen

Debby Ryan as Charlie

Kendall

Life got easier as the week went by. I started to eat and drink on my own and was even accepting physical therapy from the creep of doctor. I like to think I have incredible strength and a certain boy has nothing to do with it. Then I don't care that the boy who I'd had a crush on forver is helping me through the roughest time I'll ever probably have.

But nights were still unbelievably hard.

That's when all my demons come to haunt me. When all the thoughts I don't think about during the day  root themselves deep in my brain. All I can do is lie here in this quiet hospital room, brain turing somersaults. It's these nights where all my worst memories stir, whipping themsleves into stiff peaks of pain. I'd cry so hard that my chest would rattle and I would choke on my sobs. It's a scary thought that I don't have any family or anything to go to after I get out of the hospital, especially with my partner in crime snatched out of this world in a split second. 

I would lie on my side, hot tears rolling continously down my cheeks as I stared at the door. I waited for Charlie to bust through the door with my morning Peppermint Latte from Starbucks and Swedish Fish, telling me to stop being lazy and to go see what the world has to offer. Every night.

After crying for hours I reached the numb stage which I hate so, so much. I hate the feeling when I don't really have any emotion. I feel so empty. I'm not happy, I'm not sad, I'm nothing. My head is spinning but I don't feel anything. That's when life really seems pointless.

But morning comes. The bright rays shine in my room and the chattering of birds alone seem to erase the darkness of the night before. But none of it fully goes away until he shows up, of course.

Which he does everyday. Right after school until his uncle literally drags him out of the room.

But when Erick is here...I instantly feel better. My heart beats stronger and my mind pushes the bad thoughts to the back of my mind as we talk about literally nothing. He doesn't know how horrible the nights here alone are for me, and I'd rather not tell him. I don't want to scare him away by how needy I am for his presence.

When he doesn't show up some days, which he apologizes for tremendously the next, I get so scared and angry at myself for getting attached to him. I start to convince myself that no one is guarenteed in this life and I need to learn that getting close to someone can end really badly.

I am just starting to heal, is it worth risking being broken again?

Yes.