Everything I Didn't Say (Regret Sandoval)

Chapter Eleven

Everything I Didn't Say – Chapter Eleven

The thought of Kaia, confessing and hurting, killed me. Isang linggo akong hindi makatulog nang maayos at hindi rin siya makausap nang maayos. I was fucking guilty. Lalo na, umaakto siyang parang walang nangyari.

"I'm sorry..." I apologized one time. I couldn't keep it anymore.

Ngumiti siya. She caressed my cheeks. "There's no need. At least you told me the truth..." Niyakap niya ako at niyakap ko rin siya pabalik nang mas mahigpit.

Para kahit dito... Kahit dito lang ay maramdaman niya na mahal ko rin siya.

"Are... we still friends?" I asked.

She chuckled. "Of course! Ano ka ba?"

Nakahinga ako nang maluwag. I don't want to lose Kaia. Kahit bilang kaibigan na lang. I don't think I could live normally without Kaia by my side.

Even though Kaia still accepted me as her friend, her confession still kept me at night. Hindi ito kailanman natanggal sa isip ko. Sa tuwing titinggin ako sa kanya, iyon ang naaalala ko.

Days passed like a blur. We were already reaching senior high. For our last year in junior high school, I was the only gold medalist in our batch. Luckily for Kaia, she received a bronze medal.

"Congrats, Ba!" She said then hugged me. "Ang pogi mo sa speech mo kanina!"

I smiled. "Thank you... Where are your parents?"

I saw her parents and her brother standing near us. Kuya Aki, Kaia's brother, kept a distance from me. I get it. He didn't like me for Kaia. I understand.

We took a couple of pictures before we headed to the restaurant that my Mom booked for us. Kasama namin ang pamilya ni Kaia sa maliit na selebrasyon na iyon.

"Tikman mo 'to," Binigay ko kay Kaia 'yung pecking duck na order ko. "You'll love it."

"Can't I love you instead?" I glared at her. "Joke lang. Ito na. Kakainin ko na."

I know Kaia's taste on food. She loved the pecking duck. She even ordered more serving just for herself. Buti kay Kaia, hindi ito masyadong tumataba but her cheeks are kinda squishy. Doon ata napupunta ang kinakain niya.

I was able to survive the dinner without feeling any pain or worries. I was comfortable with her parents and with her as well. Ang tanging hindi ko lang nakausap ay ang kapatid niya. He was glaring at me the whole time!

"Aki..." Saway ni Kaia sa kapatid nang nahuli niya itong masamang nakatingin. "Stop that, Kuya. It's rude."

Umirap lang ang kapatid niya saka kumain. I don't care about it though. His feelings or impressions are not important because the only person that matters is Kaia.

"Bye, Regret..." Paalam ng best friend ko sa'kin. "Congrats, ulit. Sobrang proud ako sa'yo!"

"Thank you..." Pasasalamat ko. "I meant it. Thank you for supporting me since day one."

Technically, Kaia's there for me since day one. Ako lang ang may ayaw. I can say that she's my constant.

Constant means unchanging just like Kaia's affection towards me. She confessed, got rejected and was hurt for so many times but she stayed. She still loved.

Even though I'm suffering from a sickness and anytime it would be the end for me, I think my life has been already lived because I already experienced the ups and downs, best and worst and most especially love and hate through Kaia.

"That's nothing... Naging mabuti ka ring kaibigan sa'kin." Ngumiti siya at nilapitan ako. She caressed my cheeks. "If you feel guilty or feel sad about rejecting me... please don't. Sabi ko nga, mas mabuti nang sinabi mo ang totoo kaysa sa nagsinungaling ka sa'kin. Always remember... bago pa ako nagkagusto sa'yo, naging magkaibigan muna tayo. I'll be your friend until the end whether you like me or not."

That's the time I realized that I was really lucky to have her. I was lucky to have a best friend like her. Bilang man sa kamay ang mga kaibigan ko, wala lang iyon dahil pinantayan na lahat ni Kaia.

Kaia chose ABM as her strand while I chose STEM in Senior High. Dahil magkaiba kami ng strand, magkaiba rin kami ng section. Kaia's interested with Business although her hobby is really public speaking. She's good with words and speaking in public.

"I met some friends. Magkaklase kami ni Hanz." Kuwento niya sa'kin. "That guy. Hindi nagbabago. Siraulo pa rin."

"Yeah. He's like Mico."

"Oo nga 'no? Saan na kaya napunta si Damico Jose?" Natatawa niyang tanong.

Mico left our school after we finished junior high school. Although Rayah stayed, hindi namin ito masiyadong nakikita dahil parating busy sa kung saan. Hindi na rin kami naging kaklase simula noong grade seven.

"Ikaw? How's your strand and section?"

"Hmm... It's fine. Challenging."

Natawa siya. "Kaya mo 'yan. Ikaw pa? Talino mo, e. Tulungan mo 'ko sa math ah?"

I smirked. "That's easy."

Umirap siya. Natawa ako at inakbayan siya saka sabay kaming naglakad palabas ng building namin.

"You really want to be a scientist?" Tanong niya habang naglalakad kami.

"Yeah..."

"Ang taas ng pangarap mo." Namamangha niyang pahayag. "Nahiya naman ako."

Ginulo ko ang buhok niya. "Just do what you love. You'll get through."

"Pa'no ba 'yan, ikaw love ko?" Ayan na naman siya sa banat niya. "Joke lang. Inaasar ka lang, e."

Somehow, I liked that she could joke about her feelings but it still hurt. Ilang beses ko nang gustong umamin at sabihin ang totoo pero parating may pumipigil sa'kin. Ang hirap mabuhay sa walang kasiguraduhan.

Time passed by like a blur. Our friendship was smooth sailing. She's doing great with her studies. Naging mahirap sa akin iraos ang grade eleven dahil panay ang atake ng sakit ko. Pakiramdam ko nga napapansin na ni Kaia na parati akong may iniinom na bagong gamot.

"Are you really okay, ba?" Nag-aalalang tanong ni Kaia. "Namumutla ka... Tinawagan ko na sila Tita Regina. Ano bang nakain mo ba't masakit tiyan mo?"

I tried to smile. "Don't worry. I'll be fine."

"Are you sure?"

I nodded and held her hand. "Basta diyan ka lang magiging maayos ako."

As long as you stay by my side, I will fight. I still want to see your shortcomings, achievements and your growth as a woman. I still want to spend the next few years with you, whether as a friend or not. I know keeping all these will be worth it in the end because it's you who have given me a reason to fight for my life again.