The Prince and the Bookworm

Chapter 57

Two weeks later, I found myself sitting in an uncomfortable chair on one side of the glass, waiting for my imprisoned father to show up on the other side. I had specifically asked to have a non-contact visit with my father. The last thing I wanted was to have to confront him face to face after not seeing him for the past 12 years. 

So instead I ended up sitting behind a glass partition, waiting for a guard to bring my dad out. 

In that moment, there were so many thoughts swirling around in my head. My mouth was dry and my stomach wouldn't calm down. Every time I thought about what I would say or how I should treat him, my heart seemed to jump up my throat. I fidgeted in my seat for awhile before I decided to just stand up and pace around for a little bit to take off of the nervous edge. It didn't help at all, but it at least kept me preoccupied. 

For about the millionth time since I stepped foot into the prison, I wished that I had let Dallas come with me. He had driven me there and was actually still waiting in the car for me to finish. 

When he picked me up earlier that morning and drove me to the prison, I had been completely planning on letting him come in with me.  He was a calm and comforting presence in my life that I had always relied on. 

But at the last minute, right before we were about to leave the car and walk in together, I had a feeling in the pit of my stomach that told me that this was something I was supposed to do alone. I couldn't quite explain it, and the idea of being alone while facing my father for the first time terrified me, but I knew it was something I had to do. 

Dallas was hesitant to let me go solo, but in the end he saw that it was for the best. Despite that, he still refused to leave and go find something to do to pass the time. He said that he wasn't going anywhere and that he was going to be right there whenever I was done. 

The gesture of support was touching, but in that moment I was too much of a nervous wreck to really appreciate it. 

A couple more minutes passed and I eventually decided to sit back down. The pacing wasn't helping my jitters any and it only seemed to make my stomach more upset. Part of me wondered what was taking so long. Were visitors supposed to wait this long? 

I didn't know anything about visiting prisoners. I knew my mom had come to visit my dad multiple times over the years, but she had never shared any of it with me. Not how the process worked and definitely not about what her and my dad talked about. I liked to think that he always asked how I was doing, but I just didn't know. 

For all I knew he didn't even care about me. 

The idea brought a bitter taste to my mouth. I was about to stand back up to try and find a water fountain or something, but I saw movement on the other side of the glass out of the corner of my eye. I knew it had to be my dad. 

But I kept my head trained downwards, refusing to take a good look at him. My body seemed frozen in that position, and multiple moments of tense stillness passed. In my peripheral vision I saw a body in a gray jumpsuit sit down. In that second, reality finally hit me. 

All I had to do was look up and I'd see my dad again. I'd see the man who was supposed to take care of me and protect me, but failed to do so. I'd see the man that was supposed to be one of the most important people in my life, but was instead a complete stranger. 

The emotional aspect of it was so overwhelming without even seeing his face. The thought of looking him in the eyes and talking to him was way too daunting. 

But before I even considered bolting, I heard a soft knock on the glass. Without even thinking, I lifted my head... and immediately I felt my breath hitch in my throat. I wanted to cry, but I bit down on my lip and refused to let the tears fall.