I rolled over in bed. It was 6:30. Ugh. I hadn't slept once all night. But I had no intention of leaving my bed for a long time, so it really didn't matter. I just couldn't bring myself to do it.
As I scrolled through my phone, a new post came up on Billie's Instagram:
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Liked by zoedonahoe , finneasoconnell and 1,456,987 others wherearetheavocados she's broken💔 billieismyqueen we're here baby 💕 igotavocados is this about that girl? billvia @olivia.ward View all 1,456 comments
Tears streamed down my face instantly. How was she acting so strong?
I couldn't bring myself to get out of bed. I couldn't face the world. So I did what I always do when things crumble.
I went over to my guitar and brought it back to my bed, strumming some basic chords. I loved the feeling of the light guitar sound taking me away from the world. I built up an entire rhythm and a calm melody.
It took a lot of time - 3 days to be exact - but I had no idea of the time I was spending whilst I was creating the music. I let it take me away. When it was finally finished, I recorded all of the layers I had created and overlapped them.
I reached for my notebook and scribbled my feelings. The situation was so complex, but I managed to fit the story into a song. It explained how someone was trying to be with me by destroying my happiness, my love and that they had very much succeeded.
But I also made sure it said that the action could not impress me. And that they didn't stand a chance at getting what they wanted after doing what they did.
I recorded the song and sent it to Finneas. No caption was needed. I simply called it. Are you happy now?
I played it back a few times I had happiness, you were glad of that I had a lover, that broke you You knew them, you couldn't stand that I had a safe space, it wasn't you
So you decided to break me Tore us apart Are you happy now? You were close to them, you were close to me I hope that you're feeling guilty Cause if you're not I'll make you
Chorus You never had a chance of getting me And you thought breaking my heart would change that?
I was tired of you being distant, it was bothering both of us I tried to fix things You killed my heart
Two people, in love. broken All down to you Are you happy now?
The song went on for 3 minutes, I must say I was pretty proud of my work. I hadn't stopped crying once whilst making it. Nor had I eaten, drunk or slept. But caring for myself was not on my list at the moment.
