The Drummer in a Rock 'n' Roll Band

Chapter 21

We finally made it back to the flat by mid afternoon. Fred and Jim were gone and the place was a proper mess. I started cleaning up as Roger unpacked our bags. We did our own thing in a comfortable silence for a while. Breaking away occasionally to kiss each other or slow dance around the kitchen. Roger was upset with how his mum behaved, he didn't want to talk about it. He made that very clear We eventually fell on the couch together, legs wrapped around each other. Neither of us speaking about what happened, neither of us talking our plans today. It was an odd Christmas Eve. We weren't alone for long, Jim and Fred barged through the front door of the flat. "You're home!" Freddie screamed. He jumped on the both of us, while Jim shook his head. He nestled his head into Roger's neck. Their friendship was something people dreamed about having. A few moments passed and Fred finally spoke. "What happened? You're both home early" he asked shyly. "Eh, family. You know?" Roger said. He ran his fingers through his hair. Fred and Jim knew. Their families weren't the most understanding. We were really just a bunch of misfits living together. I didn't want to talk about my family and I knew the boys didn't want to have an intimate conversation about our fucked up lives. I stood, walking to Jim. "Jim, Would like to be my maid of honor? Obviously you don't have to wear a dress. Unless you want to. I don't care." I asked him. He looked at me with big eyes. "Of course! But you know you can ask one of your girls?" Jim said Grabbing my face. "It was between you or Fred. But I can't tear Fred and Rog away from each other. You've been there for me, keep me sane. I love you Jim." I said hugging him. I really did. He keeps us all grounded and is definitely the voice of reason. We hugged for a minute before Freddie tackled us. "There's so much love in the room. My best mates fiancee and my husband are best mates? This is a dream come true!" Freddie said in a sing song voice. He was being over dramatic as always but it's what we all needed. We spent the rest of the day cooking and wedding planning. Well Jim and Roger cooked. Brian, Anita, Deaks and Veronica were coming over for a make shift Christmas Eve. Fred and I drank too much champagne and worked on wedding stuff. There wasn't much to do, just going over everything. It kept us busy. Fred keeps telling me I have to go all out, I told him it's just a wedding. He kept frowning at me. But Jim turned to me, looked up at Freddie and then back at me and I knew what he was talking about. He unofficially married Freddie in our living room. It was a very real wedding to us and them. But not the wedding Freddie wanted. "Fred, you're better at this than me. I know you're the best man, but want to be our wedding planner too?" I said pressing my forehead to his. He leaned in, kissed my nose and ran to his room. Jim mouthed 'thank you' to me. Freddie appeared moments later with a binder. "I have prepared somethings and organized it. Olivia, I love you but those scraps of papers are no way to plan a wedding!" Freddie said with a smile. He showed me everything he had. Florist, decor, the cake, suits, a little get away for our honeymoon. I didn't realize how much I was missing. He showed me everything in great detail and explained all the work we had to get done. He could see the overwhelming look on my face. Freddie grabbed my hand and squeezed it tight. "I got you." he said softly. I watched him organize my scraps, Roger set the dining room table with our mismatched plates, Jim was finishing up cooking, and I decided to put on my Elvis Christmas record. Our four guest arrived shortly after, everyone hugging and exchanging holiday greetings. I sipped my champagne, taking everything in. The way the boys joked like brothers, the fantastic smells from the food, the warm feeling of love in the air, and the laughter. I ccouldn't believe I had found a family. Yeah sure, Deaky's mum cared for me as her own. But this was different, they don't have to love me. I don't know where all these emotions were coming from or why all the sudden I was silently sobbing. I grabbed the bottle and quietly snuck off to the bathroom. I was pretty buzzed and sat myself in the tub. Fully clothed, no water, and drinking straight from the bottle. I heard mumbling outside the door. "Rog, I know she's your fiancee but please let me get this one" Brian said to my Roger is a hushed tone. His voice is always so calming. He knocked on the door twice before coming in. His face went from concerned to smiling at the site of me. My back againt the wall and my legs barely hanging over the tub. I moved over making room, patting the spot next to me, he sat down joining me. His legs were so long that even hanging over tub they still touched the floor. I fixated on his legs, avoiding talking. "I know we're not very close. We're close because you're engaged to my best mate. We're friends but we don't talk about our dark secrets to each other. But I'm gonna tell you something about me that I haven't told anyone. Is that okay?" Brian said. He was looking at his hands, picking at his skin. I grabbed his hand and nodded yes. He took a couple breaths. "Christmas Eve two years ago, I tried to kill myself. Last Christmas Eve, I was still struggling with my depression. Didn't think I had a lot to live for. This Christmas Eve I do. I have my Anita, thanks to you. We finally have a bass player, thanks to you. Queen has a bloody record deal. I have so much to live for, but these suicidal thoughts keep creeping up. Even now when I'm happy. I hate having to fight my own mind." Brian finished, grabbing the bottle and taking a swig. I squeezed his hand tight, letting him know that I'm here for him. "Why'd you tell me that?" I asked. "Hoping you'll trust me, and maybe tell me what's going on." Brian said, taking another drink. "My mum left after I was born, just left my dad with seven kids. He didn't care for me, blamed me for my mum leaving. My sister was my parental figure for everything except discipline. My dad just beat the life out of us. He didn't drink, no drugs. Just pure rage. When I was 16 I was sick of sleeping on the couch and the pure neglect. So I confronted him and he let me have it. All my siblings were out of the house, so he didn't hold back. It was only a few broken ribs, a fractured arm, and a concussion. So I left with my boyfriend, who was a bloody cunt. Cheated on me every chance, told me I was worthless, and that I didn't deserve him. I left him a year ago. Was at a really low point, then I met Roger and all of you. I never had a family, I don't deserve you all. I'm just overwhelmed with love, it makes ny chest hurt." I said. The words came out with ease. Brian didn't look at me different, didn't take pity on me. He pulled me in for a hug, squeezing me long and hard. "This is what family feels like. Like you're chest is gonna explode with love. It's a good feeling. We all found each other, we are misfits who complete each other." Brian said smiling at me. We sat there for a few minutes before getting up to join everyone else. "Thank you for listening." Brian said to me smiling while opening the door. Hearing the talking and laughter that was coming from the kitchen warmed my heart. I tried to get overwhelmed, just taking it in. This is my family, this is my life. I don't know how I got so lucky.