Cries Behind Smiles

Chapter 29: Nightmares

Next morning I woke up late.I tossed all night on my bed thinking.I touched my lips still shivering from the memory.
Why would he do that? He don't even like me.
I danced with a non-Mehram.Allah g what have I done.

Last night I prayed Nawafil Toba along with Namaz Isha and kept begging Allah to forgive my sins.I'm still too weak and my Imaan still quivers like a fragile feather moved by wind.

But Allah says he forgives who repents and beg mercy for his sins as He is

Ar-Rahman (All Merciful)

Today is sunday so I can lay down more.After mustering up courage,I try to act normally like nothing had happened I move towards kitchen and started making breakfast.

I was beating the eggs for omelette when I heard footsteps nearing myself,I turn around and was approaching the spices when felt the presence,seizing my all movement.I gazed upwards and tried to give a smile.

Good Morning
I tried to act normal.
He just smiled at me.His eyes were so confused like he wanted to say something.There was so tension in room that
It could be cut with a knife.

I tried to start a conversation to avoid this awkwardness.
"About your friend.you told me? "I tried to distract him because I knew what was coming and tried my best to divert it.

Referring to his previous burst out.
He immediately straighten up reminising about his friend.His eyes lit up.The reaction he reserved for few ones.
For some unknown reason I want to be one of them

"Abdullah was a very good fellow.We were coursemates and later served together for a while.He used to say:
I'm not afraid of dying because death itself is afraid of me"

I smiled at that.

"He was in love before he left.Telling his duty calls ,he will come back to ask for her hand in marriage"
Something clogged in his voice like he was unable to talk more.The moment was painful for him.

His eyes just become teary while his mind remembered his friend departure in eternal world.

I put my hands on his own hands, comforting him.He was looking so vulnerable that I don't want him to feel alone.He looked at me,his eyes always holding thousand stories locked in his brain.

"I can't believe such lively person as himself died.I know that thousands death are worth my land but I mourn for his loss.He had his family,his mother,father; I have none so it should have me"
I didn't like what he said next.He should not talk like that.Something tugged at my heart at his statement.

I immediatey stopped him pressing his hands with my own

"You have me"
I was myself shocked at this declaration.Why did I say that I myself don't know.But the urge to protect was so strong that I can't help myself.

"I will always stay by your side.I know this marriage is forced but I'm very loyal to this commitment"

He just stared at me.Astonishment was shining in those orbs which later turned into relief and then satisfaction.
"You're very strong headed.I knew from the moment you slapped me"

I just chuckled at the memory.

"You were not cooperating".I tried to defend myself.

He just smirked at my response.

"So tell me?"
I asked curiously.
He just raised his eyebrows in question.
"Why did you choose army?"
He took a deep breath and spoke in manly voice,the authoritative tone that I always feel attracted to.

" I was already dead after my parents death.What is more better way of dying than on your battlefield in the name of your country.I'm not scared of death Haya"
he looked so intensely at me his stare cutting through my soul.