Before You Go

chapter five

Eliza

I'm shaking so hard I can't wash the dishes. After a few attempts, I lean over the bubbly sink and set the wet cloth down. I take a few deep breaths to try and ease the tension in my body. Ever since he walked in the door, questions have been circulating through my mind. Why is he here? What the hell does he want?

I haven't seen or heard from him for two whole years and then he suddenly shows up three weeks before my wedding, knocking at my door and acting like he owns the goddamned place. Where is the logic in that? Perhaps Leon truly has gone off his rocker and succumbed to madness. I can't believe he had the audacity to show up here, expecting me to welcome him with open arms, after he lied to me about why he couldn't make it to Saint-Sangster Rock, about why he was flying back to Saint John's. The asshole went to Nova Scotia for university. If his emergency, as he called it, had anything to do with his precious golf skills, he would have gone there and not back to where his parents lived.

In all honesty, I could have forgiven him for bailing on me and lying to me. But what pushed me over the edge was him not returning my calls. Every call that went to voicemail made me assume the worst. I thought he'd died or simply fallen off the face of the Earth. I called him for two months straight before I gave up.

I begin to grind my teeth, staring out at the dark pasture. The sky is a bewildering shade of indigo, causing shadows to taunt the brooding trees at the edge. I swear I can also see some stars beginning to speckle the sky. Soon, the moon will rise up from behind the snow-capped mountains. Personally, I wish I could hide behind those goddamned mountains. That way, I wouldn't have to deal with Leon and the sudden case of whiplash he's given me. My emotions were all over the map when I first laid eyes on him. Upon my first reaction, it felt as though my lungs were going to explode, as if all my synapses had been fried. There was an impulse to throw myself at him, but I couldn't exactly decipher the underlying feelings that came with that impulse; I didn't know if I wanted to hug him or beat the living shit out of him. I pick up the cloth and wring it in my hands, feeling the cool water slide over my skin. Maybe I'm pretending it's his neck and maybe I'm not. I guess the world will never know.

I still can't believe Tenille went behind my back and invited him to my wedding without my permission. While I can understand the reasoning behind her decision – Leon and I used to be inseparable – I still have a bone to pick with her. Her decision to invite him truly shocked me. She, out of all my friends and family, saw how badly Leon leaving me behind affected my life. It took me months to get back on my feet and find my stability once again. Perhaps I should have been a little more forceful and gone after him, followed him to St. John's, but I was too dumbfounded by the fact that he blatantly lied to me to do so.

Dropping the cloth back in the sudsy water, I turn around and head to the bar on the far side of the kitchen. Most of the glass bottles sitting atop the white granite are half-empty, including my favourite bottle of rosé. I want to save that for our next drinking session, so I grab the bottle of tequila instead. I need something strong, something that will hit me fast and hard. Grabbing a shot glass, I quickly fill the small glass with tequila and toss it back. The liquid is like fire running down my throat, but the burn feels good. Like it's exactly what I need right now. I down another one, ignoring the inner voice that's pleading for some lime and salt. I need to feel the burn. I need to let it fuel my anger towards Leon.