Misery (John Lennon Fanfiction)

Part 11

Amelia's POV:||

There was a hard knock at the door late in the evening. I opened it to find John, dishevelled, fuming and with a flask tucked into his pants. He was pale and sweaty, leaning his hand against the banister, his chest rising as if he had run here.

"What are you-" I started but he just pushed past me and barged in

"I-I didn't know where else to go" he said, his voice gravelly as he took another sip from his flask.

"What's that?" I asked, pushing him against the back of the couch

"M-my uncle gave it to me" he said, surveying the metal

"Uhuh, what's inside?" I asked

"Medicine" he said looking up, his eyes dark and troubled.

"Why are you here?" I asked

"N-no one wants me" his voice cracked "I thought I would be alright h-here"

"Shh shh you will be if you keep it down a little" I said, gesturing for him to sit, he plopped down with a heavy sigh, letting his head loll a little. "How much 'medicine' have you had?" I asked

"Plenty" he answered bluntly

"Alright, why do you need it?"

"Because m'fucked up, and medicine fixes it" he mumbled, taking another few gulps

"How are you fucked up?" I asked, moving over next to him, hesitantly rubbing his shoulder

"Well John said so, and Mimi said I was useless so s'basically the same thing." His voice shook although he was trying to put on a brave front. An hour passed and he had finished the entire flask and began to sob.

"Hey, John" I said putting my arm around his back, he sobbed clumsily into my shoulder with a sniffle "Hey I care about you" I said softly, he looked up at me horrified

"N-no, don't" he started, clearly freaked out "W-Whenever someone cares about me th-they leave, th-they die, th-they have a sh-shitty life , e-everybody I love I-I ruin, th-that can't happen" He sobbed

"W-wha d'you mean"

"I-I'm not g-gonna ruin you t-too, j-just like everyone else I love"

"You love me?" I laughed a little

"Well /duh/ " he said without hesitating, with a little sniffle.

"Well uh, I think you need to sober up" I said awkwardly

"What's the point" he said, taking a bigger gulp just to spite me

"C'mon John" I said snatching it away from him, he looked up with sad eyes, vulnerably. But he quickly looked away and slumped down in his seat crossing his arms.

"Give it back" he mumbled

"No"

"But I need it" he looked up, his expression threatening

"No you don't"

He got up and pressed his hands on either side of me against the wall, trapping me "I need something, Amelia" His voice was low and gravelly

"Wh-wha d'ya mean?" I swallowed

"I need something to hold onto, otherwise what's the point?" He pursed his lips.

"Can't you hold on to something else?" I said softly

"No! Nothing else, nothing will fix me, so fucking give it back" he said a tear coming to his eye, I carefully set one hand on his arm, standing up straight, taking his hand off the wall.

"You're not going to feel like this forever" I said softly trying to soothe him

"Yes, yes I am because nobody loves me, nobody wants me, what am I going to do if nobody loves me huh? No one would miss me right? So what's the fucking point!" He shouted, I hushed him quickly taking a pause to look around before I went on.

"I would miss you, okay?" I reassured him, rubbing his shoulders

"Oh for fucks sake just stop before you say I'm like a brother to you or something horrible" he said taking a few steps away

I sighed heavily "I like you John you're a good guy, I think you just need to sober up before you do something you regret"

He shook his head softly "I won't do anything I would regret, I-I would never hurt you, I couldn't" he said with a swallow

"Th-that's good but uh I think you just need to turn in for the night John" I said

"If you don't want me here I'll just go" he said moodily

"I never said that. I want you to stay here for the night okay, you'll be safe" I said setting my hand on his back and leading him towards the stairs.

***

We set up his familiar blankets and pillows at the foot of my bed as he refused to take the bed and let me sleep on the ground.

"Thank you" he said softly, with the blankets pulled up to his chin

"My pleasure John, anything you need" I said

"Wait-" he said sitting up a little, he set his hand on my cheek and slowly planted a gentle, lingering kiss on my cheek, before swallowing almost guiltily and laying back down.

"Good night John" I smiled softly, leaning down and giving him a gentle kiss on the cheek in return.