Sinjin, A Vampire Romance

Chapter Twelve

Bryn

I managed to sleep off the effects of the charmed mead during the rest of the day. After our kiss, Odran (somewhat reluctantly) disentangled himself from me, muttering something that barely resembled an apology. He then seemed uncomfortable with everything that had transpired between us as he led me out of the land of the fae and back to Kinloch Kirk.

Upon reaching my former accommodations, I retreated to the confines of my bedroom prison while Odran busied himself in the living room by watching the television. (I could have sworn he was watching The Price Is Right—which struck me as odd). Even though I was slightly surprised Odran was the one to end our romantic tryst in Fairyland, looking back on it, I was beyond grateful because I certainly was in no state of mind to call it quits. And calling it quits was exactly what I should have done. Of course, there was no use crying over failed sexual affairs now. The past was exactly that, the past.

As soon as the charmed mead started to wear off, a raging sense of anger took its place. At first, my anger lay with Odran because it was becoming more than obvious that his only reason for taking me to the land of the fae was to get me drunk on mead before drilling me for any information while he took advantage of my (ahem) traitorous, and very willing, body. However, the longer I thought about it, the more I could understand Odran's actions, which really weren't so outrageous—he didn't trust me and he wanted to find out what I was up to. So, of course, it made perfect sense that he would resort to any tricks up his sleeve that might prod me to spill my guts. Any way I looked at it, I couldn't blame him for trying. Were I in his shoes, I would have done exactly the same thing. It wasn't as though Odran owed me anything. No. Because I was his enemy.

Well, ultimately, the joke was on me because I'd fallen right into his plan as pretty as you please! 'Course, on the flipside, I had managed to steal his magic, so the visit wasn't a total failure.

My anger was still doing a masterful job at souring my stomach, but the truth of the matter was: my upset wasn't so much with Odran as it was with myself. After my intoxication wore off, I endured the bitter realization that not only had I basically made out with Odran, but I'd also allowed him to feel me up! And, what was worse, I'd acted like a complete and utter strumpet since I'd encouraged him! As much as it pained me now to admit the truth, I couldn't deny that I'd enjoyed every second of my brief tryst with the fae king.

But, you were also out of your mind from the charmed mead, I argued mentally, searching for any excuse that would allow me to save some face.

You know it wasn't just the mead! I retorted. I couldn't let myself off the hook so easily. I knew my magic was strong enough to disarm the charmed mead. No, there was definitely a disloyal and traitorous part of me that not only enjoyed the physical aspect of everything that happened between Odran and me but, worst of all, that same part of me hadn't wanted Odran's attentions to stop! And that thought bothered me... alot.

I didn't like the fact that I wasn't accustomed to dealing with my blossoming sexual feelings because I viewed them as a weakness, and a dangerous one at that. It seemed like lately I was on the verge of completely losing control of my lustful urges. Between Sinjin's advances, and my less-than-convincing rebuttals, to this most recent situation with Odran, I was starting to wonder if my libido had gone amok and was now hopelessly out of control. And out of control was not a term I was accustomed to being.

Of course, it wasn't as though I'd never felt sexual stirrings before. I'd felt them regularly over the years, but in training camp, we'd learned to force those feelings into dormancy rather than trying to deal with them head on. Furthermore, I wasn't exactly used to being surrounded by such primitive men either. The men of my tribe were civilized and managed to control their baser tendencies rather than flaunting them. They were so unlike the men of the Underworld, who seemed to pride themselves on their insatiable lustful appetites. I'd been raised to recognize that any feelings of sexuality had to be quashed for the greater good of the tribe. Our primary goal, contrastingly, was always centered on combat, rather than useless pursuits like love and sexual gratification. Actually, the concept of "love" didn't even exist in my world. Being an emotion, of which all were prohibited, it wasn't based on logic, but rather on frivolity.