Diamond Loyalty (Stevidot)

These Feelings

Steven's P.O.V

The rest of the day was pretty uneventful and I think it was partly due to the fact that my overall attitude hadn't fully recovered, though I don't think Peridot or Lapis, after Peridot told her what we did, expected me to be that way either. In general, it was a fairly relaxing collection of hours, me taking my time to put my new clothes away in my new closet while Lapis read a book in her hammock. Peridot, however, wasn't feeling all that laid back because after waking up from a small nap at about 1 P.M., I heard some digging and looked out my bedroom window to see the small green gem shoveling out a medium-sized hole in the ground. I watched curiously for a while, all the way up to when Peridot came inside and apparently got Lapis to come outside with her and add water to the hole, effectively recreating that pond we had next to the Barn so many years ago when both of them were new to Earth. The two gems looked pretty happy when finished and I actually smiled at seeing them happy and thinking of all the fun we were more than likely going to have. My gaze was then drawn away from them and quickly latched onto my ship, which was still right where I landed it. Looking at it brought back some brief memories of fights and lonely nights, things that I hope I never have to experience again. I ended up tearing my eyes away from it, not wanting to think about the possibility of going back out there so soon, and going downstairs to see if I could find something else to keep my mind occupied.

By the time dinner rolled around, everyone and everything had completely settled down. Since Peridot had done breakfast and Lapis brought us lunch, I thought it would only be fair if I handled dinner. And handled it I did, cooking up a cheese, chicken, and rice casserole that I remember Pearl making when I was 13. I must've done a decent enough job because Lapis and Peridot appeared to enjoy it and also asked for seconds, so that's always a good sign. I will admit that it was a bit difficult since Peridot didn't have very many kitchen utensils for me to work with, but improvising is something I learned how to do fairly quickly. After the post-dinner clean-up was over, we all went over to the corner where the TV was and played video games for a solid hour or two until I told them that I was going to head to my room to rest. Even though I knew I wasn't tired, some alone time felt right. Both of them looked at me with a bit of concern clear in their facial expressions, but still let me go with no questions asked. However, as I was climbing up the ladder to my room, I could hear them begin a conversation with my name being brought up a couple times. Instead of lingering around to eavesdrop, I simply went over and laid down on my bed once I entered my room. I just gazed up at the ceiling, letting my thoughts and emotions mix together while nighttime creeped in.

Hours later and I'm still right where I am, except for the fact that I changed into my pajamas to be more comfortable. It's not the nap I had earlier that's keeping me awake, but rather the thoughts of space and Dad that won't go away. I've actually tried to think of something else for a little bit now, but I've, so far, been unsuccessful. I don't know, maybe if I go outside and walk around in the dark for a bit, it'll help. Stretching, I ease my legs over the side of the bed and stand up, walking quietly over to the ladder. I do my best to head down to the main floor without being too loud, though in a building made mostly out of wood that tends to creak when too much weight is put on it there's no real guarantee of that fully succeeding. I also notice Lapis asleep in her hammock, so I also have to try and not wake her up, since she'll no doubt ask me where I'm going if that happens. Carefully, I tiptoe to the door and slip out into the night.

With even just the slightest breeze of wind passing by, I feel differently. Like I want to take off running, not caring where I might end up, and feel free. But that's not who I am anymore.  Maybe if I was still a kid, that'd be acceptable, but I'm not a kid anymore.  It's not so much that I've outgrown such desires and tendencies, as this instance now is one example, but everyone has to grow up sometime and I already crossed that threshold. My interests and personality went through a transitionary phase of sorts, where I lost/let go of some things I liked to do and gained/picked up new things that I'll more likely enjoy now. It's quite the self-reflection, but it was also inevitably necessary in the event that I came back.