Welcome to The Mothering Crone

Even though they don't say it....

You know that they don't always say it.. You should know that they feel it or think it... but hey say it ? Why? its against the code. Be it the genetic code or the" male code of manly maness" it just is said. You should know these things  cause according to the code they are allowed to say it once within your hearing.
Okay first off, who are "they" ? We should know them well.. we cleanup after them, work with them, can cook for them just about do everything for them.. "they" are the males in our lives. Be it a dad, brother,son, friend, lover or husband we all have one of them in our life at some point.
What  is the "Male Code of Manly Maness"? Is it part of a secret club or society? How did it start and what  is it functions?  The MCMM, best to my understanding was started so far back no one remembers. I presume it was well established before the first caveman. Its main purpose is to confuse all people completely and it continue the separation between the genders. They are taught a separate language from birth, are given different hearing devices, and are taught to live up to the long and confusing code.  This code basically states that "they" are never to state more than once to one female at a time their feeling, thoughts and ideas. The code states that "they" have the option to exhibit their emotions but to do so more than once is frowned upon and can lead to disbarment from the society. There are many other parts to the code but for now these are the two that I had dealt with for a very long time. Just recently my husband who was a member of that society finally let me in on some of its secrets. However this was like dealing with a child as he himed and hawed about it.  The weekend it happen goes like this......
It was Superbowl 42 weekend.  He had worked almost 60 hours that week and was achy and I had taken my CPR class for school.  It was an eye opening day when we sat in our hot garden tub talking and soaking out the aches and pains we had received that week. I learned that I am not as young as I think and that certain activities are better off left for the young.  And he (being a member of MCMM) knew his days of working extra hours were coming to a close in about 20 or so years from now.
First thing that is against the code is admitting that you are getting older. Notice that we are smart enough to admit it is getting time to slow down. They don't.  My words to him was " I will only do the CPR class again if my job is on the line and then I will think long and hard about it. "   To be truthful, I was in agony. I hurt so badly that I was in tears. The years have caught up with me and I knew it.  His words were "I am sorry you're hurting so bad baby."  I laugh as I a tear away and say " The person who I come across and needs CPR has better be someone I care a lot about or is waving a whole heck of a lot money at me to do it. It nearly killed me this time." Of course not to let down the FCFE (Female code of feminine ethics) I have to admit it has been years since I did a CPR class, I know my limitations, and I am going through menopause (or mental pause as the grandsons call it).  He smiles gently and says " I am sorry you're hurting so bad. But you don't have to worry about doing CPR on me, cause I won't need it." (part of the code you know)
Okay that did it.. For no good reason except hormones I start crying. Now let me tell you something you should already know tears are our biggest defense against the CODE. This is something every female know before she is borned.  This totally confuses them.  And being a card carrying member he follows through on the program.  "Why are you crying?  I didn't mean to upset you? What's wrong honey?  Is It hormones or are you hurting worse. I will rub you down if you need it."  He has been with me long enough on the menopause trip that now when I cry and I didn't start crying until menopause, that he think everything is hormone related.
I tearfully tell him that I don't want to lose him. The joke back is how am I going to lose him.  He isn't going anywhere. I remind him we are not young and if I am having some issues I know he is. I get the honey I am okay spiel.  We have both gone through the prescribe permitted banter allowed by our societies and now comes the real deal.
" Steve, you just don't understand. I couldn't survive without you  If something happens to you I don't want to live." I am very serious on this. We both know the unspoken words and principles in our lives.  We are each other best friend and the pass year or so have been pretty much exclusive to each other. Between working together we were doing just about everything together. That getting reacquainted period again.  And There was No way I was going to go back to the old way. I enjoyed spending our time together. (I didn't care if we were both breaking the codes of our societies!)  But I digress. My aim was to get him to agree to go for a physical to make sure things were still functioning as they should.
" I have been thinking on this for a long time. I guess I am starting to grow up.... Honey, I love you so much that I would do anything to keep us here together." I said tearfully. I was remembering the years my mom spent alone after daddy died. Sure she had here kids. but we were busy with our lives and some of us lived far away. I remember her telling me that living alone without daddy was no life. Even though she had her friends and family it was no substitute for him.  If only he listen more to her about the smoking and going to the doctor sooner.  Mom kept telling me over and over that I had to help make sure Steve stayed healthy if I didn't want to be alone like her.  And since I have started noticing some small issues due to the menopause (mostly the wonderful panic attacks!) I was serious now thinking about things.
Of course he knew what I was thinking.  " Ah, honey, I won't leave you. I love you so much. You're my life.  I couldn't stand to be alone without you.   I would do anything to keep you happy and if I could go through menopause instead of you I would but I am here to go through it with you and do whatever you need. "  He reached out and patted my knee, I cried harder because that was a personal joke between us.  The knee patting meant that even if we were to old to make love we would  still to pat each other on the knee and remember when!  He went on to say, " I know it don't say it enough bur I love you so much.  I would even kill for you."  ( Two weeks earlier I was almost in a deadly wreak with another driver,  If I had not reacted as I did I would have been killed.  I luckily avoided the wreck but became a crying wreck afterwards. )
I stopped short of the crying and said "What??" He laugh and said "You know the near wreck you almost had.  If that driver would have harmed you or killed you, I know it wouldn't bring you back but it would give me the satisfaction of hurting or killing him, to ease my hurt and lost."  My sweet tender husband who wouldn't harm anyone, who believed in peaceful ways, just admitted to me he would kill someone if they had killed me.  I couldn't believe this.
He looked at me oddly as he sipped his beer.  It was as if I couldn't believe  that he couldn't understand.  "What?" He said to me, "You don't believe me.  You know I would do anything for you. You know this. I just have to tell you once.  It is the code you know!  I guess now that you are getting old and senile I have to tell you more!"
As I heard the words to the song by Bryan Adams," Everything I do I do It for you," playing in my head, and with those silly words he said, my heart sang and I knew we would be together for awhile longer.  Oh yeah he went back to living the MCMM Sunday night as he and our son watched the Superbowl together.