Tell hyung...|| jungkook x BTS

Part 10

Warning: mention of suicide, but only mention of it.

"Jungkook, can we talk?" Namjoon said, pulling him to the side of the room at the end of rehearsal. Jungkook nodded and went along. He was feeling good today. He felt happy, since he felt powerful.
"What is it?" Jungkook asked cheerily.
"I just wanted to ask... why were you so rude to me yesterday? I just wanted to make sure you were ok and you gave me attitude. Did I just come at a bad time or?" Jungkook was taken aback; he didn't expect Namjoon to talk to him about that.
"Yeah I guess... I just felt like you were treating me like a child. Like you didn't trust me. But I know you were just looking out for me, so... sorry. I didn't mean to come off so rude." Jungkook admitted. The voice came back. What are you doing? You just lost all that power you built. Jungkook sighed. As much as he wanted to feel powerful, the guilt he felt disrespecting his hyungs like that, it was painful. He sighed, not realizing Namjoon was still right there since he was so deep in his mind.
"You ok?" Namjoon asked after hearing his sigh.
"Huh?" Jungkook said after being pulled out of his trance. "Oh, yeah." He responded simply. Namjoon nodded hesitantly, not trusting his response, but going with it anyway, before grabbing his stuff to get ready to go. They headed back home to rest up before a long rehearsal the next day.

Jungkook retreats to his room the moment they get home. He pulls at his hair as he paces back and forth. His mind is fighting with itself and it's driving him crazy.
Stop being stupid you need more power who cares if you hurt your hyungs you NEED power.
'But if I hurt my hyungs then they'll all hate me. I could even lose my job I fought so hard to get. It's not worth it.'
Namjoon walks in, about to call Jungkook for dinner, only to see him grabbing at his hair and pacing back and forth. He didn't even notice Namjoon walk in he was so deep in his mind.
"Jungkook?" Jungkook doesn't even respond. Namjoon carefully goes over and and puts a hand on his shoulder, yet Jungkook still isn't pulled out of it, he keeps mumbling incoherently.
"Jungkook, hey hey hey, get it together." Namjoon says, pushing his shoulders gently so he's sat on the edge of the bed.
"Come on Jungkook, come back to us, you're somewhere else." He says, shaking him gently, and Jungkook finally comes out of it.
"You ok?" Namjoon asks with worried eyes "what just happened?"
"I-...." Jungkook could barely speak before he burst into tears.
"Ssshhh, calm down kookie it's ok I'm here, hyung is here." Namjoon was trying so hard to calm him down even though he had no clue was was happening.
"Kookie, take a breath." Namjoon said, shaking him a little just to get his senses back. After a while of helping him take deep breaths he finally calmed down, and Namjoon sat down with him to talk to him.

"Kookie, what happened?" He says with a serious and solemn expression on his face. Walking in on Jungkook in that state was terrifying. Something must be seriously wrong.
"T-t-There's these voices. They keep telling me I need to be powerful and keep control and whenever I lose that power in the slightest they ridicule me for it. That's why I was so rude to you yesterday. Earlier the voices just got so loud I couldn't focus on anything else... I-I-it's happening right now." Jungkook says with wide eyes, trying so hard to block out all the voices in his head.
"...look, Jungkook. I think you should see a doctor or a psychologist. This isn't right." Jungkook looked up at him with buggy eyes, and shook his head with fear. He didn't want to see anyone about it. That would be admitting defeat, right? If anyone at school found out they'd bully him even more.
"Jungkook, listen to me. I know you don't want to, but when your hearing voices and pacing around so much that you can't even hear or see me right in front of you. It's really not right. Something's seriously wrong Jungkook. You need help." Namjoon was just trying to be honest and help, but his words seemed to come off harshly. Somethings wrong with you. Those words just sounded mean, even though Namjoon never intended it that way.
"I see how it is." Jungkook said with a jarringly dark tone. "Something's wrong with me." Namjoon was taken aback.
"I'm so wrong that I need professional help. I see. That's how it is. Send me off to the psych ward and leave me there on my own to suffer. I see how it is." Namjoon was honestly starting to get scared now. Jungkooks tone sounded so dark. Like it wasn't him talking.
"No, Jungkook that's not what I meant. I don't like seeing you suffering like this, but I'm at a loss as to what to do about it at this point. Seeing a professional could make it all go away. Don't you want that?" Namjoon was honestly praying for his safety. Jungkook blank stare was rather terrifying.
"Getting professional help isn't a sign of weakness kookie. Yoongi hyung went to a psychologist, and that helped him right? It's not a bad thing." Jungkook didn't respond, but his expression softened.
"...I'll give you some time to think about it." Namjoon said. He did one last check of the room to make sure there was nothing that Jungkook could hurt himself with, just to be sure, before leaving him in his room to go and speak to the others, specifically Yoongi.