Denial

Different.

It's 11pm on the 29th of August, and it's the first time this year that I've found myself crying myself to sleep.
Never have I been so susceptible to the silent perils of the night.
Never have I felt so desperate to be accepted.
Now I'm not talking about being accepted by everyone, I'm over that by a long shot.
I'm talking about being accepted by those that I actually feel comfortable with in my life.
Because I plan to stay in touch with those people for a long time.
Yet I've recently isolated myself from the world as no opportunities have arisen for me to take that chance.
But it has forever been in my element to remain sheltered from the truth.
I made "Denial" to face my true identity, and to accept myself for who I really am.
Behind those daily façades that I conceal myself with simply to integrate into our fucked up society.
As many people may know on here, I've tried to view things in a positive light for ongoing months.
But this is hard for me, harder for me than most.
Because I am unique.
And this is not a pity party, this is a fact that has been set in stone from the moment I came into this world.
It's not that I'm ashamed of myself, it's just that I don't feel secure enough to confide in others when I'm at my most vulnerable.
But it doesn't change who I am as a person, in fact it has shaped me into the person I am today.
Maybe someday I will be comfortable enough to be confident in my own skin, but for now I will continue to cling onto my doubts, because I know that I will survive.
I will emerge from these hardships, and I will end up being stronger than ever.
Carrying more internal strength than anyone I know.
Nothing comes easy for me, but what I have learned is that hard work really does make a difference.
Being kind to others really does make me feel like I've achieved alot.
I am loved, I am valued.
It just takes me more time to adjust than most.
And ever since I was born, I know that I've been a fighter.
So what if I can't see the bright side in many cases?
I've battled through so much shit anyway.
Nonetheless, I am so proud of myself for the life I have lived, and the friends I have made over the past few years.
I am happy with myself, and no one can tell me otherwise.
It may not seem like this all the time, but if anyone irrelevant even questions my fragile state of mind, then it is none of their fucking business.
I don't care about them anyway, I've been dealing with people like them throughout my life.
And what I do acknowledge is, I am
Different.
{and that's okay♡}
A/N: I really wanted to vent and didn't feel comfortable talking to anybody so I've written it here. This is where I feel most comfortable🖤