Denial

Mystery.

6/1/20  20:27pm

I just wanted to make things clear.
The dynamic between us was easy, smooth, uncomplicated.
I relished every second that we were together.
Nonetheless, I was perpetually burdened by my feelings for you.
I had to cut those ties, letting them flow seamlessly in the open air.
But things were much more complicated than they seemed.
We were the greatest of friends, and you never inquired beyond that.
It turned out that you liked someone else.
That girl; her eyes envisioned daggers every time I laughed at one of your jokes.
That girl; the enigmatic perfectionist who was jealous of everything I had.
That girl; she was the obstacle to our perfect utopia.
All of the clandestine stares in the world could not have passed her grave judgement.
I was blinded by the illusion of our platonic euphoria.
I really thought I was in with a chance, yet I was so naïve.

That girl broke things off with you before you received any chance of success.
And more than a year has passed since any of this occurred.
Despite this, I only found out about your concealed feelings for that girl a month ago.
When I confessed, "ok" was the only word that was spoken by you.
All of our cherished memories were long gone, distant, forlorn.

Only now I am beginning to think, maybe you developed feelings for me.
For the longest time after, we remained friends.
We regained that uncomplicated dynamic, though more awkward than ever.
That girl has left our lives for good, and I see the way you look at me.
Your alluring eyes approach mine with such tenderness, craving to take back all the pain.
When I don't take myself too seriously, your laugh dominates a crowded room.
When we talk, I feel as if it's just you and me, leaving all our worries behind.
I know that you deeply care about me, whether platonic or not.

This is the first time in months, where I have strived to write how I feel.
Now, I just want things to make sense.

Why is our relationship such a
Mystery?