Denial

Should've Been Honest.

I just got my closure, and it wasn't even from you.
For all this time, I have been deceived.
For a year, I was so hung up on you; I couldn't stop writing about you.
I even defended your actions.
I'm not denying your good heart, for you are so kind.
But this is unacceptable; you should've been straight up.
I've been through so much shit, I can handle pretty much anything.
It breaks my heart to feel so betrayed by your trust, and your intentions.
When I called you to confess, I wanted to set my emotions free.
Why did I only just find out that at the time, you liked someone else?
And she felt the same way.
That was the reason she was so hostile towards me.
That was the reason her eyes envisioned daggers whenever we passed each other.
You gave me mixed signals.
And only now I am aware..
She was the reason why.
The ironic thing is, I would've felt less hurt if you would've told me the truth.
I get that you didn't want to lose our friendship, but your dishonesty has caused me a lot of pain.
I heard this information from a mutual friend, whilst you continuously dodge the bullet.
I know I am a lot to handle, but how could you keep this from me?
I used to blame myself for all of my dismays.
I used to blame myself for all of the awkward moments that occurred for a long period of time.
Now, everything is starting to make sense.
All I can feel is anger.
It will pass, sure, but I will never forget this.
I deserve much better than this.
I would never even consider dating someone who conceals what is easy to brush away.
So is that what "ok" meant?
Did you ever have feelings for me?
I don't even care because you owe me an apology.
But still, we will remain friends as that's where we both excel at.
Despite that, I can't wait till I don't have to face your unscrupulous countenance every single day.
It's time to move on, for good.
And if you ever do confess any feelings for me, it'll be too late.
Should've been honest.