The widower

Chapter 1

Perries POV:
I sighed looking at the twins they turned 3 last week. Today's the 3 year anniversary of my husbands death. It came every year and still every year I couldn't believe he was gone. I was planning on taking the kids to the grave today. My husband Alex died in a car crash in the winter 3 years ago and it affected my oldest boy the most. His name was Leondre but everyone calls him Leo he's 5 him and Alex really bonded when he was a baby they'd always spend time together watching American football. He still wasn't up yet he knew it was the day his daddy died he really missed him and I did too. He didn't talk much only to me and a bit to my cousin Ellie who moved in with me after he died. The twins were watching a film so I walked upstairs and knocked on his door "Leo baby can I come in" I heard a hum on the other side of the door and went in. He was sat in his bed with one of Alex's old t shirts on I smiled and sat on his bed. "You ok baby boy" I stroked his hair tucking it behind his ears he just nodded and held his arms out to me. I picked him and and he cuddles into my chest and then cried into me "I miss daddy" it broke my heart when I saw him cry it breaks my heart when any of my kids cry. I felt tears welling in the corners of my eyes and a lump in my throat. "Shhhh it's ok baby" he cried harder into me and I stroked his head he was now sobbing. I laid in his bed pulling the covers over us "talk to me buddy tell me what you feel" he sniffed and rubs his eyes. "S-Sad I miss daddy W-Why won't he come back" he hiccuped in between words after sobbing. I wiped his eyes with the pads of my thumbs and pulled him to me. "Daddy's In heaven now watching over us buddy but he'll always be with us in are hearts" he looked up at me his blue eyes matching mine. "Can we see him today" he rubbed his eyes and played with the ends of my hair. "Yeah we can see him at lunch" I smiled at him and picked him up "how about pancakes I think auntie Ellie is making them" he smiled and hugged me. "Thanks mummy your the best at making me happy" he smiled showing me his teeth with the front one missing. I got him changed and he ran out the room to go see Ellie. I looked down seeing Alex's old shirt and lifted it up to me and I breathed in closing my eyes and tears up. I never liked crying in front of the kids I don't want my sadness to affect them. I cried and not for the first time today. I let my tears flow before I heard one of the twins cry I put the T-shirt under my pillow and wiped my face walking into the room.
Leo hadn't talked much still today he watched American football on his iPad all day. I picked up Lucy who was shouting about god knows what. The twins are both very girly and love music and dancing and are both very bubbly. Lydia my other twin looked at Lucy then at me and put her arms up wanting attention. I picked her up she put her head against my shoulder. "Mama love you" Lydia said and then Lucy copied her they were always in competition with each other. Ellie came in and they both kicked to get down and crawled to her. I smiled and turned back and saw Leo under his blanket it was jerking like he was crying. I walked over and pulled it off a little he'd found a photo of me him and Alex before the twins were born. I picked him up and took him out the room I sat him on my bed and kneeled in front of him. "I want him back bring him home mummy I want daddy now" he cried punching the bed and then fell into me crying heavily. He always had little anger outspirts but he never meant it. Once he'd calmed I kissed his head and wiped his curls back. "Should we go see him" he sighed and nodded. "Sorry for getting mad" I smiled and rubbed his now bruised knuckles and kissed them.
I drove into the church grounds it had started raining on the way dampening my mood even more. I looked in the rare view mirror and saw all 3 kids playing with individual toys. Ellie held my hand on the way there giving me comfort. Once we pulled up I got out picking up Lydia and putting her in on my hip and the same with Lucy on my other hip. Leo walked behind me holding Ellie's hand. Once we reached the grave the rain had stopped a bit but it was still drizzling. "See there's daddy" I kissed the twins cheek and they put there head on my shoulder. We stood in silence for about 10 minutes and the twins had gone to sleep Ellie told me she'd wait in the car with them. Leo sat on the grass next to his headstone talking to him. I smiled and sat behind him listening to him tell Alex everything. "And I'm looking after mummy like you said I make sure she's eating and sleeping she's sometimes sad but is always happy for us and I gave her a teddy because she cries in bed and I'm being a good big brother I miss you daddy I think we can come see you again" I smiled tearing up and kissed his head. "Ok say goodbye babe we can come back soon mummy needs some time with him" he smiled and said bye and ran off to Ellie. I sighed and kneeled next to the grave. "Hiya babe umm I talk to you every night I know but when I'm hear with you it feels like your listening more. I miss you so much" I tears up and put my hand on my mouth. "I still can't believe your gone I miss you I just it's like I have to see you everyday looking at the kids I can't let go of you but I have to I love you so much don't ever forget me ok I miss you squishy" I sniffed and cried thinking of all the time we had together.
Once I'd finally done I put a flower down and walked off slowly.
When we were in the car the weather had cleared up so Ellie suggested we go to the park it was a good idea it'd cheer the kids up. We drove to the park and all the kids were hyper already. I picked Leo up and took him out he ran off and played with his duke (the ball they use in American football) the twins crawled and played in the sand with another little girl. I smiled and hugged Ellie "thank you smelly don't know what id do without you" she smiled and hugged me back "that's ok pezza" she smiled and rubbed my back. I looked at he twins who were playing with the little girl and Leo was talking to a woman about my age. He never talks to strangers I walked over "Leondre Edwards what have I said about strangers" he bounced about clapping and pointed to the woman. "What's up buddy" he was trying to get words out but he couldn't. "Ok Leo breath a minute tell me what's up" he smiled pulled my top "that that's jade Thirlwall she plays for the Green Bay packers mine and daddy's fave team mummy she's right there she's got my duke" I smiled and picked him up waking over to her. "This yours buddy" she said handing him the ball he was speechless. "Yeah it is I'm sorry to bother you but your my sons idol would you mind if we had a quick picture" she smiled and ruffled his hair. "Corse not beautiful blue eyes" I looked at her. Alex used to call me that I smiled and she took her phone out. "Here it saves you going back to get your phone" I smiled and took it. "So have you ever been to a game" he frowned "no we've not got a lot of money since" he trailed off and look up at me with tearing eyes. "It's ok baby boy don't get upset" I rubbed his hair and smiled. "Ok thank you jade" he ran off towards Ellie shouting "Ellie Ellie I met jade" she laughed and smiled at me. "He's adorable" I smiled. "Wait how am I going to get the picture" she gave me a cheeky grin "maybe if you give me your number I can send it to you" I smiled and wrote my number in her phone. "I'll see you soon then beautiful" she smiled and kissed my cheek making me blush. "Yeah ok then see you soon jade"
I got all the kids and put them in the car smiling I looked back and saw Leo smiling hugging his duke. I'm so glad to finally see my happy boy back.