29 Stories of You and Me

5-Just the Two of Us

Me: You should walk over to (name) park

Me: Or not...

Lin: yea yea

Me: Wait really??

Lin: Yeah, just walking around for 2 hrs...I have crocs on kms

Me: I'll head over in ten minutes

Lin: ...

Me: What. I have nothing but piano or calc to do and I'm sick and done with both

Lin: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Ok

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Mid-June 2018

Why did I care so badly about who he liked?

Lin was my own "personal" project. He claimed to like someone but refused to tell me who that someone was. At the same time, I wasn't sure how I felt about him. Sometimes I would claim we were just really good friends, but other times it felt so much more.

During that summer, I was going through a lot of emotional issues. My parents had been pushing me to do schoolwork (despite the fact it was summer) and I constantly felt depressed. Unsure of what to do, I ranted to Lin and spoke with him about these feelings. Sometimes, he and Allie would get worried about me and tell me to stop listening to depressing music.

Could it be that...that I like him?

Well, logically that's a possibility because Bob is, frankly, a horrible human being. Should I tell Bob about this? Lin? What do I do? ┻━┻︵╰(‵□′)╯︵┻━┻

I mean, Bob and I had a horrible relationship. To begin with, we didn't talk that much anymore and I often had the feeling I was putting a lot more effort than he was. By the time May 31st came around, I had already realized I stopped liking him and needed to do something before things got worse.

The only problem was...

Bob was in China (and ignoring me) so contacting him was near impossible. I had intended to tell him before he went to China, but my parents restricted the time I went outside, so I used that one opportunity to hang out with Allie, Bob, and Lin. Sometimes every 2-3 weeks, he'd text back or straight up ignore me until I spammed him enough to get his attention. I wasn't even sad anymore, I was straight up pissed.

But at the same time, I wanted to meet up with him in person to tell him that I didn't like him anymore. Everyone said that breaking up over text was a bad idea, right? That meant I shouldn't tell him over text and instead wait until we both had time to meet up and then tell him!

This seemed to be a good idea for the time being, so I let it stay that way. I was ignored by Bob more and more, which even made me more certain of my feelings. The feelings that had wavered back and forth since November of 2017 finally became clear: it was better for us two to be friends, and I had only liked him in the beginning because of how much we had spoken to each other.

On the other hand, I wasn't sure if I should accept the fact I liked Lin. If so, wouldn't this destroy our friendship? It took so much work for him to continue talking to me and start conversations. All the late-night, deep conversations and emotional support that I had worked so long to build would be gone. Most of all, I would lose someone I had trusted wholeheartedly from the very beginning (for some odd reason) and I didn't want that.

I don't know what I was thinking. Maybe I was desperate to tell him that I admired him and that I thought he was better than how he always put himself down?